


Buck Me

by OhCaptainMyCaptain



Series: Stucky Porn Prompt Challenge [17]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Buck Me, Bucky has a Double Life, Bucky's 18, Come Eating, Come Swallowing, Dildos, Established Friendship, Figging, First Time, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, He makes dirty videos!, Hey There Bucksters, Lapdance, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Oral Sex, Pining, Porn, Porn Watching, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pornstars, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Prompt Fic, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rimming, Sexual Tension, Smut, Steve's almost 17, Strip Tease, Stripping, Swimming, Vibrators, Voyeurism, Warning: NSFW GIFS/images at the end of the story, Webcam AU, Webcams, barely-legal!Bucky, cam-boy!Bucky, camboy, good-boy!Steve, virgin!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 09:08:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2423135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhCaptainMyCaptain/pseuds/OhCaptainMyCaptain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's been friends with Bucky for fourteen years. Unfortunately, he's also been in love with him for nearly just as long. He's been pretty good at hiding that over the past few years - until he follows a porn link one night and accidentally discovers that his best friend is secretly a <em>camboy</em>. Steve really shouldn't watch those videos... Not with the <em>filthy<em> things Bucky does to himself that gets him screaming every time he comes...</em></em></p><p>He shouldn't... he <em>really</em> fucking shouldn't. </p><p>But Steve's only human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buck Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shanology](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanology/gifts).



> This story is dedicated to my best friend/sounding board for basically everything/life saver who lets me whine to her about basically everything during my clusterfuck-of-a-writing-process, [shanology](shanology.tumblr.com) <3 My eternal thanks to her, not just for - as always - reading my shit before it ever gets posted and helping me along the way, but for also loving this story more than anyone else on the planet xD Seriously, I'm sure over half of these hits are only the result of her reccing it so much. I am not worthy, but all the same, I can never thank her enough <3 ONE DAY I will get my shit together and write •REC for you, baby :P
> 
> **Prompts/Kinks filled in this story:**
> 
> 1\. Webcam AU  
> 
> 
> 2\. More virgin/skinny!Steve  
> 
> 
> 3\. Highschool AU  
> 
> 
> 4\. Figging  
> 
> 
> 5\. Lap dance  
> 
> 
> 6\. Strip tease  
> 
> 
> 7\. Bucky fucking his ass with a vibrator  
> 
> 
> 8\. Bucky having to take a monster-sized dildo and then eating his come after he finishes (**This one is totally thanks to [shanology](shanology.tumblr.com), btw ;) It's easily one of the hottest moments in the fic, and it's 100% thanks to an excited Voxer conversation we had, which led to her asking if this could be included <3)  
> 
> 
> 9\. Established friendship  
> 
> 
> 10\. Cameos of other Avengers (P.S. She's not necessarily an Avenger, but 'Lizzie' is Betty Ross)
> 
> My [Tumblr](http://ohcaptainmycaptain1918.tumblr.com/) is basically a place for Stucky, Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, Marvel, smut, or inappropriate humour - so if you feel like coming and hanging out with me, please do <3
> 
> **I do not own any character names, settings, plot lines, concepts, or terminology as created, used, and owned by Marvel Entertainment, LLC ®. This is a work of fanfiction. Furthermore, I do not authorize the re-distribution of this story for the purposes of downloading, printing, or posting the story in its entirety on any other websites without first attaining my consent. Thank you.**

When Steve first sees the website, he thinks it has to be a joke. One that, for the first few minutes or so, he has to admit he doesn’t find very funny. 

\---

He’d always been what people would call a ‘good, wholesome boy’… Going on seventeen in just a few months, but he’ll have already graduated by then (an entire year early, since he’d skipped the tenth grade after it was concluded that he could already read, write, and score at a college level) – with a good, solid head on his shoulders and old-fashioned morals you just don’t see anymore these days.

Steve has to fight the urge to roll his eyes every time he hears that. Because what they mean to say by that is simply, ‘he’s sixteen and still a virgin; he’s sixteen and has never had a real girlfriend.’ Everyone chops that up to him putting his academics first and keeping his sights on what really matters, and Steve just lets them. No point in gaining any unwanted sympathy by telling them that, _no_ , it has nothing to do with that. He’s just always been invisible to the opposite sex, though not for lack of trying.

And he may be a virgin in almost every sense of the word – hell, he’s never even gotten as far as French kissing with someone – but he’s not a saint. He just makes sure to do his personal business as secretively and discreetly as he can. He and his ma aren’t poor, but she has to work two jobs in order for them to live comfortably, and with saving for whatever college tuition isn’t being covered by his scholarship, Steve can only afford to give her so much of his earnings to pitch in. Because of that, they only have one laptop, shared between them both.

So Steve makes sure to always erase his browser history whenever he’s done with it for the night. He checks it over meticulously to ensure he didn’t somehow manage to get any evidence on it. He knows his ma doesn’t assume Steve’s perfect – after all, she knows him just about better than anyone – but she is proud of all of his accomplishments and the fact that he’s never running around and getting himself into any trouble (save for the odd bloody noses or black eyes he’s come home with in the past due to his stubborn, noble need to stand up to bullies). So Steve likes to pretend that she’s none the wiser to his late night endeavours between him and his right hand.

Steve assumes it’s like this for pretty much any guy his age – except that, _and he does not mean this in any sort of endearing way_ , he also assumes that most other guys actually have someone else to fuck around with. He doesn’t, so… he feels pretty confident that he probably jerks off far more than normal people do (or should).

His IQ is embarrassingly high, and Steve’s always prided himself in his spectacular memory, even if he’s humble about it if discussing it with others. His teachers like to congratulate him (way too often) on his nearly impeccable ability to remember historical dates, mathematical equations, scientific theories, logistics, or what-have-you. His family has always gushed over the way he could read music and then remember any song note-for-note on the piano, even as far back as when he was just a boy. And his friends – which, contrary to his non-existent number of aspiring partners-to-be, are many – always refer to him as ‘the walking phone book’. Tell him your phone number _once_ and Steve will file it away in his brain _forever_.

You know what else having a wicked memory is good for? Memorizing all of the best porn site URLs; the names of his favourite actors, or videos, or forums. Steve never needs to bookmark or write down a single one - which means, no risk of anyone needing to find out. Sure, Steve enjoys the classics, too, like Redtube or YouPorn, but over the past few years, he’s been able to discover some goldmines that, surprisingly, aren’t all that well known about.

With his hormones, it admittedly doesn’t take much to set him off like a firecracker on his and Uncle Sam’s birthday, but he does have his preferences. For example, he likes cam videos over bright lights and staged stuff, intimate scenarios over hardcore smut, accidental, whispered moans over screams, and _gay porn over hetero_.

That was something Steve had realized and come to accept over time – which, if he’s being honest with himself, had taken a while. He knows a lot of people who are gay, or bisexual, or the like. One of his friends at school is transgender. Steve’s always been one hundred percent supportive about the right to love whoever you love, or be whoever you were born to be and makes you happy. It’s just always felt a little different – scarier – when it’s happening to you. He still likes and feels attracted to girls; he just personally finds himself gravitating more towards guys. He identifies as bisexual, but only his close friends and his mother knows for the time being. The first person he ever told was Bucky.

The thing about Bucky is that, in retrospect, Steve has absolutely no idea how he couldn’t have realized his sexuality sooner – given that once he had, it’d gone hand-in-hand with also discovering that he’d been in love with his best friend since they were pushing each other on swings and playing Tag in elementary school. Steve knew that Bucky was straight, so it wasn’t like he’d expected some sort of profession of love when Steve finally came out to him.

Bucky had reacted pretty much exactly like Steve figured he would: he’d eyed the blond’s face carefully to assess how Steve was doing, before throwing an arm around him and joking, “That’s it? I thought you were gonna tell me you killed a guy or somethin’, with how freaked out you looked. C’mon, man, you know somethin’ like that would never make me see you any differently.”

And then they went back to playing Skyrim, and nothing had changed between them, and Steve was only a _little_ disappointed.

Steve would be lying if he said he doesn’t often wrap his hand around himself late at night, close his eyes, and get off to what his name might sound like falling from Bucky’s lips with a gasp; how he’d look, staring down at Steve with half-hooded lids while Steve scraped up his knees and sucked his best friend’s cock.  Everything about these fantasies is – for the most part – nothing more than the concoctions of his imagination, and yet they’re still hotter than any porn he’s ever seen.

Well… that _had_ been true, at least.

\---

There’s this forum Steve likes to hang out on; he has a free account, though he never actually posts or replies to anything. He just likes to read the threads and benefit from the many links that get tossed up in discussion. Some of the best sites he’s ever been to have been thanks to the conversations he’s read there.

For the past few weeks, he’s noticed some of the regulars talking about some ‘barely legal’ cam show that’s been gaining traction on the ‘indie porn sites’ ( _as if_ porn _of all things could have an ‘indie’ subgenre, Christ_ ), but Steve always just sort of glanced over it and never gave it too much thought. Tonight, he’s checked out a few new videos and was able to make himself come twice – which, given his poor lungs and overall less than stellar health, is an impressive amount of times within an hour – so he figures, now that he’s satiated, he can see what all the fuss is about while he gauges whether or not he’ll be up for Round Three before hitting the sack.

It’s actually a bit of a tango to get to the actual site; a lot of link jumping and essentially dancing through hoops. When he finally gets to the desired website (which is, little to Steve’s surprise, dedicated entirely to ‘barely legal’ gay porn), he gives himself a minute to look around the home page and get a feel for whether or not this site is legitimate, or some sort of virus.

Everything checks out. It’s an interesting set-up they have going on – you have to pay a fee in order to post videos on the site, and it’s actually not that cheap; checking out to $275.99 for a year’s membership. But then once you pay, you can use the site to set up your own profile and vlog, in which you can then gain subscribers and charge them the right to watch your videos. The website acts as the host, keeping its members safe through a third party URL and Tracking ID, and they likewise earn a percentage of every dollar you make off of subscribers. The more subscribers you gain (meaning, more exposure for the site), the bigger the percentage of the cut you’re entitled to get.

_Huh. Smart system._

Steve has the original tab open from the forum, but he doesn’t need it. He hasn’t forgotten the name of the profile they’ve all been talking about. Going up to the Search bar, he types in: _buck me_. He hits enter--

 _And nearly swallows his tongue when a profile link shows up, with Bucky’s picture right next to it._  

Of course, he does a double-take, but that’s definitely him. Steve spends the first five minutes convinced that this is some sort of joke; that Bucky somehow found out which forum Steve was creeping around on and decided to play a prank on him. But when he grabs his phone to shoot him an annoyed text, he stops himself. Because what if it wasn’t a joke? How would Bucky react to Steve finding out? The idea alone makes Steve mortified enough as it is.

So he puts his phone back down and slowly trails his gaze to the laptop again, a deep frown on his face. He wonders if someone’s just stolen Bucky’s picture somehow and is assuming his identity. He wonders how they’d even get a picture like this one… Taken from a webcam… Bucky’s trademark skinny jeans riding low on his thighs, showing off far too much of the sculpted V of his hipbones… Bucky’s eyes, staring up heatedly at the camera, with his shaggy brown hair looking slightly disheveled.

_Like sex hair._

This picture could’ve just been hacked from Bucky’s computer, or maybe even his phone, but the only way for Steve to know for certain is to…

No way – no, _no fucking way_ is he considering going onto the profile and checking out one of the videos. (You _can_ , after all, view one of a member’s videos for free before becoming obligated to subscribe if you wish to view more…) Steve just sits there, dumbfounded, and continues staring at the screen. He isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do, nor does he know how he feels – namely because he’s currently feeling a dozen conflicting things at once.

Shock, but that’s a given. He feels… He thinks he feels a little pissed that Bucky would be on a site like this and not even tell his own best friend that he’s apparently some sort of porn star ( _oh god, is he? Are the videos on his profile of him fucking someone, or… oh god…_ ). He also feels an immediate sense of over-protection and worry, because it’s hard not to see this thing as being a bit of a _big fucking deal_.

How does no one else know about this in their group of friends, or just in general at school? Then he remembers his specific predicament, and the fact that he’s a bit of a sad enthusiast for ‘indie porn’, and he supposes it makes a pathetic sort of sense. But still… What about…? Well… What about the fact that this site is geared towards _gay_ porn and male entertainment? Sure, women can – and do – watch stuff like this as well; this, Steve’s learned from reading comments and such. But given the nature of the site, if Bucky’s having sex on camera, then the likelihood is that it’s with another guy.

Immediately, Steve feels a second pang of what can only be described as _betrayal_ , as well as a palpable sense of rejection. Bucky could be gay, or maybe he’s just bi like Steve – but either way, apparently he felt that it wasn’t something Steve needed to know. Or maybe he just wanted to spare his best friend the embarrassment of being rejected by him, too. Because _of course_ Steve isn’t Bucky’s type… Steve doesn’t seem to be _anyone’s_ fucking type.

Huffing and using this sense of indignity as his fuel to take the plunge, he sets his jaw and clicks on the profile link before he can talk himself out of it. Immediately, he notices several very important things: firstly, that Bucky’s had a profile for the last fours months or so – in fact, created about two months before his eighteenth birthday, and Steve doesn’t know how he feels about that. Secondly, he has a whopping twenty-four videos uploaded; although half of them appear to be nothing more than actual vlogs. Steve can only assume as much; there are videos that seem to have been posted every Thursday since about the beginning of February, and those are titled “#BUCK ME THURSDAYS”. _Clever timing_ , Steve thinks dryly. Thursday nights are Rebecca’s Taekwondo lessons, so Bucky’s parents always take his other little siblings with them for the couple hours they’re gone. The other half of the videos, however - uploaded every Monday, from the looks of it - are called, “UPDATES FOR MY BUCKSTERS” ( _his subscribers have a_ fan name _…_?)

That’s the third thing… Bucky definitely has subscribers. A _lot_ of them. Steve looks at the number and swallows hard – 9,427. That’s… That’s pretty big; doesn’t _seem_ big in the grand scheme of things, but… that’d be like taking the population of their high school and multiplying it by ten… Sticking all those people in a baseball stadium and having them watch Bucky do – whatever it is he does in these videos.

He also clearly goes by the name 'Bucky' to these strangers. Steve isn’t sure how he feels about that, either. He’s never really had any claim over Bucky, not in that way, but he’s always been the only one to have ever called him that. To the rest of the world, Bucky goes by _Jay_ or _Jamie_. But with Steve, it’d always been _Bucky_ or _Buck_ – ever since kindergarten. In terms of anonymity, Steve figures it makes sense; acts as a sort of ‘stage name’. But that was supposed to be something that was _his_ … The only thing that he could feel _did_ make Bucky his in a way, even if he could never actually _tell_ his best friend that.

He tells himself that it’s curiosity and concern that ultimately make him click on the first video – but the fact is, he deliberately chooses the first '#BUCK ME THURSDAYS' video and _not_ the first vlog, so that definitely says something. Because the truth is, another thing he’s feeling pretty strongly right now is arousal. A whole fucking truckload of it, to be exact. Guilt, too, because this is his best friend and this has got to be at least a _little_ wrong – to see your childhood best friend’s porn video… right?

But this is also the one person Steve’s fantasized about the most in his life; the only living soul other than his mother that Steve’s loved so much that he’d give his own life in a heartbeat for, if need be.  And sure, growing up, they’d stumbled across occasions where they’d seen each other naked, but never like this. Never with erections or flushed skin or dark, lusty expressions, or _however_ Bucky was about to look.

The closest Steve’s ever come to knowing even a hint of what that’s like were the times where Bucky would crash the night, or Steve would sleep at his house. And if they happened to fall asleep beside each other and happened to wind up spooning somewhere along the way in the middle of the night, sometimes Steve would wake up with a short, quiet inhale through his nose; feeling the thickness, the _hardness_ of the older boy’s erection against his rear or lower back as Bucky slept soundly. Every single time, and it would lead to Steve feeling like he was about to scream from wanting to touch it so badly; to rock back against it and feel it press harder against the crease of his ass… Feel Bucky stir awake and then clutch him tighter as _maybe_ he’d start to roll his hips forward in response…

All unrealistic fantasies, of course.

But now here he was, right on Steve’s screen, and… well, he invites all of these people he doesn’t even know to watch, right? So… Steve tries to reason with himself that, at least Bucky can trust _Steve_ and knows _he’s_ not some creepy seventy-year-old who’s secretly a serial murderer. If he hesitates, it’s only for the briefest of moments… and then he clicks the ‘Play’ button.

The video comes to life, and there’s Bucky, sitting at his chair in front of the computer, set up at the desk in his bedroom. Steve can see the Queen-sized bed peeking out in the background from behind his friend’s head, as well as the variety of band and movie posters on the walls. Steve can’t help but think that Bucky looks a bit nervous, but he still flashes the webcam that million-dollar smile that’s solely responsible for half of their graduating class being madly in love with him – and Steve’s stomach flops, just like it always does.

 _“Hey guys,”_ Bucky begins. He’s not wearing a shirt; just the thin chain around his neck that holds his late biological father’s dog tags. The quality is a little fuzzy, but still strong enough that Steve can make out the scarce scattering of freckles on his bare shoulders. Steve wonders if Bucky has any pants on. Already, his heart is racing. Bucky chuckles to himself – and yeah, he definitely sounds a bit shy, which is very much unlike him – and then looks right back into the camera and keeps talking.

 _“So for those of you who are just coming to hang out with me for the first time, I’d encourage you to go check out my first vlog post, ‘cause I used that as a bit of an introduction as to who I am and what I plan to do for you guys here… But…”_ (He chuckles softly.) _“If you’re watching me right now then you’re using up your free video, so checking out the other one isn’t really an option unless you, you know, want to, like, pay and stuff. So, uh… Yeah. I can just say some of that stuff again here, I guess._

 _“I’m Bucky, ummm… I just turned eighteen--”_ (Steve knows that’s a lie - or at least, it was at the time.) _“I’m in my graduating year of high school and… Yeah, well, y’know,” he explains casually, shrugging. He gives the camera a small, knowing smirk and continues, “I need the extra money for college in the Fall, so I thought maybe I could have some… fun and stuff, with you guys – granted that anyone out there is even interested, I mean – yeah, you know.”_ He bites his lip and gets a self-deprecating smile as he squeezes his eyes closed and shakes his head, chuckling in his throat again. He probably felt silly recording this; Steve’s willing to bet money that, at least at this point, Bucky didn’t fully realize just how precious and innocent he almost looks.

 _“Anyways, uh… As I mentioned in my other video, the way I thought maybe this could work would be, I mean, obviously you have to pay in order to subscribe to my videos; not my rule, sorry guys. But then I thought, could I at least give them some incentive to want to pay to stick around and have some fun with me? So how this’ll work is… Like, if you just wanna pay to watch, then that’s totally cool. But if there was ever somethin’ you wanted to see me do in particular, you can send me requests to my private messaging. I mean, you’d have to pay extra for the request, but it’d just be a one-time payment. But I mean… if you wanted to see me do_ more _things to myself, maybe a few extra bucks per request wouldn’t be such a big deal…”_

Steve notices how, the more Bucky’s talking, the more comfortable he seems to be getting. Now he looks to be settling into his own rhythm – and the way he’s eyeing the camera (the viewers; Steve) now, the way he’s gained perfect control over his voice and is already manipulating his tone to sound suggestive and playful and sexy… Fuck. Steve’s rock hard again in no time at all.

It feels like Bucky’s talking right to him when he continues: _“I thought we could start with a request, just so you guys could get a feel for what I’m about and then you can, y’know, get a better idea of whether or not you like what you see. So, uh…”_ (His eyes avert from the camera and Steve can hear a few clicks of the mouse while Bucky appears to be searching for something on his own screen.) _“Ah, heh, there it is. So, twinklover69 wrote to me and said, ‘Hey Bucky, loved your first video – very fucking adorable. You look like you’d have a nice, cute little ass…’”_ (Bucky laughs under his breath and Steve feels his face flare.) _“‘How about we get to see you show it off a little and maybe finger it a bit?’”_

Steve’s eyes bulge from his head as his chest tightens. It’s pathetic, but he quickly checks the table next to his bed to make sure his inhaler is still there, because holy fuck, oh my shit, is he actually about to see Bucky finger himself? It gets even worse when Bucky smiles – just a tiny thing – to himself, before peering up at the camera from beneath his long, dark lashes, and replying coyly, _“Well thank you, twinklover, I don’t think I’ve ever been called ‘fucking adorable’ before, but… I have been told I have a nice ass, so… Heh… Maybe you all can be the judges of that. So… Uh, okay… I guess I just… Yeah, okay.”_

Bucky can’t seem to stop chuckling while he’s talking; the only giveaway that he’s still got nerves boiling away beneath the surface, even amidst the moments of suavity. Steve’s heart is pounding so fast and hard that he feels like he can hear the blood rushing in his ears… Can taste the pulse in his mouth… Because suddenly Bucky’s getting up, and he’s only wearing a pair of black boxer briefs. His abs looks fucking amazing on the camera and all Steve wants to do is run his hands over them.

When standing, the frame cuts off right above Bucky’s pert nipples. He backs up just a little bit to get more of himself on camera and then leans to the side so he can grin at the viewers and give a small, boyish wave. Fuck, he’s so fucking charming, even when he’s nervous and about to shove his fingers up his ass in front of god knows who. Steve’s dick is pulsing sporadically and he wants so badly to touch it, but he still doesn’t know for certain if he should even be doing this… So he refrains for now. His right hand twitches.

Bucky proceeds to turn around so his back is to the camera and then slowly – teasingly – slides the underwear down over his firm, toned cheeks. From the twist in his spine, Steve assumes that Bucky’s glancing over his shoulder to check out how he looks, before turning forward again and letting the boxer briefs slide down his legs. He kicks them aside and then starts running his fucking hands along his hips… across his tailbone… over his ass…

When he bends over and rests one elbow on the edge of his bed so he can reach behind himself with the other hand and spread his ass open, Steve gets his first glimpse of Bucky’s tight, tiny little hole and that’s that. He exhales a rush of air from his lungs and wraps his fingers around his dick, stroking it immediately. His body feels hot all over – both from being so fucking horny and also feeling horribly (wonderfully) guilty; like when you get caught red-handed for something. On the one hand, he feels like a huge creep right now. But on the other… oh god, oh, he’s staring at Bucky’s beautifully arched back, the contours of his muscles, that beautiful ass, that delicious-looking pink hole… And without this profile, Steve would’ve never been able to see this in a thousand years. It’s a dream come true, no matter how he packages it.

 _“What do you think, hmm?”_ Bucky asks, feigning innocence. Steve can’t see his face but he imagines that he’s probably smirking. _“Were you right? Do I have ‘nice, cute little ass’?”_

Steve’s brows knit together as he stutters out a soft moan, his hand gripping tighter and stroking from base to tip with just a little more fervor. Bucky chuckles again, but this time it sounds a bit more self-assured, and Steve feels like Bucky’s fucking toying with him. The brunet keeps himself spread open for a few more seconds before maneuvering so he can lower his chest down to the bed and gain mobility with his other arm.

There’s a quick, wet sound, and Steve guesses that Bucky just sucked a couple of his fingers into his mouth to slick them up. The implication of this sends adrenaline coursing through Steve’s veins; setting his heart off to an almost dangerous speed as he starts twisting his wrist rhythmically around his cockhead and begins to pant through parted lips.

Now able to touch his ass with both hands, Bucky keeps himself open with the one and then brings the spit-glistening fingers on the other to his hole. He teases at the possibility by circling his rim a little. _“This what you… wanted to see?”_ he asks, his face still off screen. He words have a lot more air in them than they did minutes before. Steve’s never heard Bucky talk like this. It’s like he’s seeing this guy he’s known inside and out for the last fourteen years for the very first time, in so many more ways than just beyond the physical.

Bucky’s finger continues to trace tiny circles as Steve’s baby blues follow, mesmerized. And then he suddenly tilts his wrist and starts to push his middle finger into himself – pausing every other second to adjust before continuing. Steve’s hand actually stills on his dick because he’s so fucking stunned by what he’s seeing; so erotic and forbidden and hot that his body completely forgets how it’s supposed to react.

And then Bucky gets to the first knuckle and releases the most minute, muffled groan, and Steve’s eyes involuntarily roll back into his head at the sound. His ma’s room is upstairs while his is down, so he can always afford to get away with a _little_ noise, but he usually never risks it. Yet now, when he opens his eyes and looks back to the screen, Bucky’s got his finger all the way inside and he’s starting to just as slowly pull it out… Then shallowly pushes back in… And Steve can hear him whisper hoarsely, _“Fuck… fuck…”_

Steve whines; he honest-to-god _whines_ , and he’s never whined before. His body takes on a life of its own and he starts fucking his hand over his cock, quick and rough. On screen, Bucky gets used to the intrusion and then starts to build up a rhythm of his own, until he’s able to fuck that finger into his asshole with ease. Steve bites his lip, grunting under his breath and trying so damn hard to stifle it. But he feels out of control. If he could think right now, he’d probably think something very close to, _He could tell me to do anything right now and I’d do it, no questions asked._

Steve’s never actually done much of anything before, this is true - but every fantasy that’s ever gotten him off the strongest always involves him trying it for the first time with Bucky. Right now, the only thing Steve wants in the entire world is to eat his best friend out. Especially when Bucky uses his left hand to readjust his grip and spread his ass cheeks _wider_ so he can work a second finger on his right hand into himself... Steve wishes he had his tongue buried so far into Bucky’s body that he made Bucky come from that alone. He wonders if Bucky’s ever had that done to him; if he can come without touching his dick at all.

He watches Bucky work himself nice and deep with those two fingers, and listens to the small gasps and uttered curses that come from his speakers every few seconds. When Bucky scissors his digits and stretches his hole open even more, he whimpers, and Steve’s upper lip twitches as he whines again – this time a bit louder. He’s got sweat misting his forehead and right below his nose. Bucky looks like his back might be a bit sweaty, too, and it makes Steve feel as though they’re somehow doing this together.

He suspects that that’s probably the feeling Bucky was _hoping_ his viewers would have.

Steve may be a virgin, but he knows what a fucking prostate is, and he knows when Bucky’s found it. Because his eyes are glued to his best friend’s fingers fucking in and out of himself – _faster_ and _faster_ and _quicker_ and _quicker_ – and Steve’s feet are pushing down against his mattress so he can thrust his hips off the bed and fuck up into his fist in a mutual tandem… And every time Bucky makes a sound, Steve can’t help but make one in kind…

And then Bucky suddenly rams his fingers in, all the way to the knuckles, and twists his wrist. For a moment, there’s no noise. But then the brunet’s body spasms violently and Steve can hear a loud, impassioned, _muffled_ cry. Bucky sounds like he’s buried his face into his blanket; Steve wonders if he’s biting down on it with his teeth… What does his face _look_ like right now…?

Bucky seems to do it again, because he sobs out another wrecked sound – this one much clearer – and Steve’s hips snap up and still as his body goes painfully rigid. Pleasure then explodes all throughout him when he’s hit with his orgasm. He has to physically shove his fist between his teeth and bite down… Eyes squeezed shut, body shaking, making desperate, broken sounds high in his throat as he feels stream after stream of hot come ribbon across his belly.

Somewhere in the middle of his orgasm, he hears Bucky shout, _“Oh fuck, FUCK, mm!”_ as he presumably climaxes, too. Steve wants to open his eyes and see it, but he literally can’t with how taut he still in; still trapped in the throes of his own pleasure. By the time it eventually subsides enough for him to slump against the bed and stare at the ceiling with wide, glazed-over eyes and loud, erratic pants, Bucky’s sounds have died down and Steve knows the show is over.

 _“So…”_ Bucky suddenly says, his voice pulling Steve’s mind back to focus. The blond lets his head loll to the side and, once again, he’s staring right back at Bucky’s face. He groans weakly. Bucky’s hair is all fucked up, with some strands of his bangs stuck to his forehead from perspiration. His face is flushed and his normally grey eyes are bleary and look twice as bright as normal. The frame ends just below his nipples, since Bucky’s back up close in front of the camera again. He’s giving his viewers an obscenely faraway, blissful, suggestive open-mouthed smile. Steve’s head won’t stop spinning.

 _“Did I make you want more? Hmm?”_ he asks slowly, between deep breaths. _“Do you want me more? I hope so… ‘Cause next time, I’ll be dyin’ to… Touch my dick until I come… But only if one of you tells me I can… So please… Heh… Don’t leave me hanging… M’counting on you guys.”_

He chuckles; wipes his forehead with the back of his hand and then mumbles something about having to clean up the mess before he gets in shit. Biting his lip and giving an apologetic little smile, Bucky waves with a playful, _“Byeeeee,”_ and then the video ends.

Steve’s already rolling himself off the bed so he can go grab his credit card.

* * *

Steve becomes subscriber number 9,428. He has to create a username upon signing up, which leads to him staring at his laptop screen for almost an hour, trying to think of something that wouldn’t automatically give him away. He doubts that Bucky knows the names of even _half_ the people who follow him, but for all Steve knows, he gets some sort of email whenever a new user subscribes to his videos, and if that email _listed_ the user and it was something too obvious, Steve would be screwed. In the end, his brain continues on its luxurious vacation in ‘I-Don’t-Fucking-Know Land’ and he just decides to go with ‘veste4’. 

He doesn’t know what he’d been expecting in terms of cost, but the grand total of _ten dollars_ to subscribe to Bucky’s profile and get access to any of his videos - as well as any that get posted in the future – is _definitely_ a lot cheaper than he’d been expecting. Especially when taking into consideration that Bucky himself paid almost three-hundred just to havehis profile in the first place. But then Steve does the math and, honestly, the results throw him off and leave him a little lightheaded.

With 9,428 subscribers, each paying ten bucks, that adds up to a total of $94,280. Now, obviously the actual website takes a portion of that cut (which Steve doesn’t know how much that is exactly), and Bucky wouldn’t have had this many followers right away, but still… Doing the mental math, there’s no version of this that doesn’t come out to Bucky at _least_ having made a minimum of twenty to thirty _thousand_ dollars in the last four months.

It’s enough of a realization for Steve to actually think to himself that if he were halfway attractive - and knew his mom wouldn’t have an aneurism if she found out - _he’d probably do this, too._ But he’s not deluded; he doubts there’d be many people out there who’d even want to see it. So he puts that idea to bed about as quickly as he’d thought it.

It’s _disgusting_ , really, but Steve spends the entire rest of his night watching Bucky’s videos. With each vlog averaging out to around three and a half minutes, and the Buck Me videos averaging around six or so, he spends about two and a half hours straight watching his best friend’s porn (this, of course, factoring in all the times where Steve has to take a break – sometimes to go to the bathroom, sometimes to get a grip on himself, and sometimes to shut the laptop and adamantly tell himself that he’s _not_ going to watch anymore… only to open it up again two minutes later and reluctantly play the next one).

Then he spends the _rest_ of the evening _re-watching_ certain ones. It’s a school night, and yet he doesn’t actually try to go to sleep until about four a.m. He doesn’t actually _fall_ asleep until twenty minutes before his alarm has to go off.

When it does, he gets out of bed looking like a zombie and pads clumsily into the bathroom. The night before had set some sort of new record for him, and this morning, he’s feeling the effects of that. He’s not used to being able to come _that_ many times, so he’s exhausted _all over,_ both mentally and physically. And yet, standing beneath the hot shower stream and remembering snippets of the things he’d seen, he’s able to get hard _again_ and he finds himself shuddering with his forehead pressed against the cool tiled wall when he spills all over his fist another five minutes later.

_He is so going to Hell when this is all over._

Strangely, it isn’t even until he parks his car in the student parking section later that morning and sees Bucky sitting on one of the picnic tables – waiting for Steve like he does every day, in the exact same spot – that Steve realizes he _hadn’t_ calculated _this._ He has absolutely _zero_ game plan; no idea how to look his best friend in the eye or talk to him like he _hadn’t_ stayed up until nearly sunrise, jacking off to porn videos that Steve assumes Bucky never intended for him to see.

So what does he do? He stays in his car. His big, brilliant plan involves hoping that if he wishes hard enough, the seat will magically swallow him up and he’ll be able to avoid this conversation. But of course, Bucky’s already seen him pull in, so for a half minute or so, they’re just staring at each other awkwardly – Steve, looking like he’d seen a ghost, and Bucky, like Steve grew a second head. Eventually, Steve sees Bucky pitch the cigarette that’d been hanging between his lips, before throwing his hands in the air and mouthing, ‘ _The fuck are you doin’?’_

Fuck. He has to get out; his plan didn’t work. _Fuck_. His hands are shaking the slightest bit, but he wills himself to grab his backpack and exit the car. When he tries to punch the button with his thumb on his keychain to lock the door, he’s so frazzled that he drops them to the ground altogether. He swoops to a knee to pick them up, only to straighten again and jump about a foot out of his skin when he realizes Bucky’s now standing _right_ next to him.

Bucky jumps too, startled by Steve’s reaction. His grey eyes go wide and then he throws up his hands and laughs. “The hell is your _problem_ , Stevie? It’s eight-thirty in the morning – it’s way too early for you to be so awkward _just_ yet!” he teases. He grabs Steve’s shoulders to steady him and then raises his eyebrows, still wearing that slight, open-mouthed smile. “You okay there? Gonna pass out on me or somethin’? Maybe take out your inhaler, just to be safe.”

Steve just stares back at him. He’d settle for even _stammering_ something at the moment, because at least he’d be making _sounds_. But apparently, his brain is still out on that holiday from earlier so he just _keeps_ fucking staring. Because the thing is, Bucky’s right there and he’s still the exact same person he was yesterday. Only he’s also changed entirely. Or is it just _Steve_ who’s changed, because now he knows? Technically speaking, Bucky’s _still_ been the guy making these porn videos over the last four months, and Steve’s never seen him as being any different – simply because he hadn’t been aware of them. It’s all so confusing and he just wishes he could _say one goddamn thing, anything!_ Anything to make this moment less uncomfortable.

All his brain can do is take in the way Bucky looks today, which is nothing short of mouth-watering. _That_ , which is a relief in a strange way, is exactly the same as Steve’s always known. Bucky _always_ looks amazing, with his side-swept bangs and brilliant eyes and even the slight crookedness in his top teeth, which only makes his smile all the more adorable and charming. Today, he’s wearing a simple white t-shirt beneath his usual black leather jacket, opened down the middle, with his dad’s dog tags hanging down the center of his chest. Bucky’s got a collection of different coloured skinnies, but today he’s wearing the black ones (which are Steve’s personal favourite). The look is completed with his faded pair of combat books and the tiny, black plugs in his ears.

Steve’s wearing a baggy sweater, jeans, and converse shoes. He feels ridiculous by comparison; sort of like it’s offensive just to have him standing _next_ to someone who looks so good. The only thing he has going for him ( _maybe – he can hope_ ) is that _his_ golden hair is the same length as Bucky’s and sits just as nicely – always having that slightly messy, but somehow perfectly styled look, without Steve having to really do anything to it.

He realizes he’s zoned out because Bucky’s voice suddenly pulls him back.

“Hellooo, Earth to Steve, this is your mother ship calling!” Bucky says loudly, waving his hand in front of Steve’s face. Because of their height difference, Bucky has to hunch down to look him in the eye, which he swiftly does, _concern_ taking over on his face. “Steve, seriously, you okay? If you feel sick, you should’a stayed home.”

(Bucky’s always been overprotective of Steve in general, let alone when it comes to his health. Steve tries never to read into it.)

“I – I’m fine,” Steve finally manages to say. He’s so damn relieved that _that’s_ what came out and not, _I found your site and I jerked off to it and was able to come over ten times, Buck, can I kiss you please and maybe suck your cock?_

Bucky hums, unconvinced, and shoves a hand under Steve’s bangs to feel his forehead. This turns out to be surprisingly grounding and helps clear the daze fogging up Steve’s head. He _hates_ getting babied, even by Bucky, so his eyes gain back some focus as he ducks away from the touch. “I said m’fine, jerk, stop,” he snaps.

Bucky blinks, but then chuckles and grins. “Ah, _there’s_ the kid I know and I love.” He throws an arm around Steve’s shoulder and turns him so they can head towards the school, Steve nearly forgetting to glance back at his car and lock the doors properly this time. He tries to make as much casual conversation as possible, but it’s _really_ fucking hard. When Bucky mentions that he texted Steve the night before regarding the latest episode of _Sons of Anarchy_ (he’s been catching up), and innocently asks what Steve was so busy doing that he couldn’t bother texting his best friend back, Steve opens his mouth to answer and winds up making this fucking _weird_ and unexpected honking noise. They’re _both_ quite startled by it.

Bucky’s eyes narrow with confusion and he _just_ goes to open his mouth when there’s a flurry of movement and red hair, and suddenly Natasha is tackling Bucky and jumping on him. “Morning boys!” she says intentionally loudly, making her presence known. She grabs the side of Bucky’s face and gives his cheek a loud, smacking kiss before reaching out and slapping a hand on top of Steve’s hair, quickly ruffling it up.

“Ah, Nat, fuck off!” Steve groans, batting her hand away frantically and smoothing it back down.

“I’ll give you your morning kiss later, Rogers; I had to make up for it somehow!” she shoots back coolly before monkeying her way to Bucky’s back and making herself comfortable. Bucky just rolls his eyes and bends his elbows so he has a good grip on Natasha’s legs and can hold her weight.

“Mornin’, Nat,” he says flatly. Steve smiles. Bucky pretends to struggle to keep her up, asking, “Ugh, big breakfast or something?” She responds by tightening her legs around his waist and grabbing the top of his ear, tugging on it with a little amused smirk on her lips. Bucky’s head tilts in that direction and he harmlessly shouts out, “Owowowowowow, _okay_ , sorry, I get it!”

Nat looks pleased and triumphant as she glances to Steve and then winks. Steve can’t help but laugh before saying, “Clint on his way?”

“Oh yeah, he’s right there, I just ran up ahead of him,” she replies, turning her head and pointing lazily.

Sure enough, they hear the sound of Clint’s longboard, and he rolls up only a few seconds later. He comes in and gives Steve what they call a ‘bro hug’ while Bucky can be heard in the background, wrangling a protesting Natasha off of his back so he can properly say good morning to Clint. Steve watches Bucky go and give him a hug similar to the one Clint had just given him, while Natasha sighs over-dramatically and then comes over to him and lays the same rough kiss to his cheek like she’d given Bucky. Technically, it’s the most action Steve ever gets – even if she only ever does it to them strictly platonically – so he just gives her a little smile as he pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

“Didn’t feel like your contacts today, Rogers?” Clint asks.

“Oh, I, uh, sort of overslept this mornin’, so I didn’t have time,” Steve lies.

“ _That’s_ why you were so weird when you pulled in!” Bucky jumps in. Then he starts relaying Steve’s awkwardness in all of its glory while they finally head in. They go through their usual routine: head to their lockers and grab whatever they need for their individual classes, before meeting Sam by _his_ locker, Maria by _hers_ , and then joining Bruce, Lizzie, Tony, and Pepper in the cafeteria to grab something small for breakfast. Phil and Peggy, always joining them late thanks to their student council meetings in the mornings, are the last to grab their seats at their usual table. Everyone wiles away the minutes before class begins by shooting the shit and complaining about what they all have on their schedules for the day.

Today, Steve doesn’t really feel very talkative. He listens to pieces of different conversations and pretends to be interested while he picks apart his caramel coffee muffin and sneaks glances at Bucky. He’s in the middle of telling some story to Tony and Clint that Steve’s already heard; about something hilarious one of his teammates, Gabe, had done after their basketball practice the day before. Every time Bucky laughs, Steve’s stomach twists.

His eyes are glued to Bucky’s mouth, and beneath the table, he’s once again as hard as a rock.

* * *

“Hey, didja wanna come by my house for a swim or somethin’?” Bucky asks at the end of the day, leaning against the row of lockers and eyeing Steve, who’s unloading the books from his bag into his own. Steve can feel Bucky’s eyes on him while the latter waits for the answer – and Steve knows this is a test. 

He’s been acting weird all day. Worst of all, Bucky's totally called him on it, asking Steve all day if everything was alright. Steve doesn’t have another shift for work until Saturday, and so usually he’d have absolutely no problem going and hanging out at Bucky’s. At the very least, there’d be no hesitancy in his answer.

And it’s not that he _doesn’t_ want to go, it’s just… Frankly, he’s been fighting boners all day and was barely able to pay attention during any of his classes. He’d spent all day pretty much zoning out and daydreaming about Bucky; the things he saw Bucky do to himself… The things _Steve_ wants to do to him… Have done _to_ him by Bucky…

He swallows the lump in his threat and forces a cheery smile to his face. “Yeah, sure,” he replies. “I just gotta run home and mow the lawn for ma, but I can be over around four-ish?”

Bucky seems pleasantly surprised – and relieved – by this answer. He gets a big grin and then says quickly, “Oh, yeah, whatever, any time is cool, man – no rush! You know the drill, just come on in whenever you get there.”

“Okay.”

“Cool. ‘Kay, well, I’m gonna jet; I told Nat and Clint I’d walk home with them, so…”

“Yeah, for sure. Tell them I’ll see them tomorrow.”

“Sounds good,” Bucky says, still smiling, before giving Steve an affectionate little shove and heading out to leave. “See you later!” he calls over his shoulder. Steve keeps the easygoing smile plastered on his face until Bucky rounds the corner down the hall and is no longer in sight. Then he groans and hits his forehead off his locker door a few times.

“Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ ,” he mutters to himself with every light _bang_. Taking a small step to the side, he shuffles as close as he can to his opened locker and then leans forward, hiding his head inside. He sighs; considers crawling in (he can fit; sadly, he knows this), closing the door, and hiding there until morning.

Because _sure, why not? Let’s go swim around in Bucky’s pool, wearing nothing but bathing suits and seeing all of that water clinging to his best friend’s hair… Trickle in thick droplets down his body… See how the chilly but refreshing temperature of the water makes his nipples harder…_

This is a great plan.

\---

He’d totally lied about having to mow the lawn. He’d already done that the day before. What Steve _really_ needed was the chance to run home, lock himself in his room, and figure out how to calm himself down so that he didn’t make a jackass of himself while at Bucky’s later. Of course, all that leads to is him drumming his fingers off of his knee anxiously, before his baby blues slowly trail over to the laptop, which he’d forgotten to put back upstairs before heading to school. Luckily, his ma’s been at work all day, so she wouldn’t have needed it.

Steve spends about twenty minutes debating whether or not he should, but then the next thing he knows, his pants are by his ankles and his toes are curling in his socks as he touches himself _yet again_ to one of Bucky’s videos.

There’s certainly been a lot of… _variety_ , in the twelve pornographic videos he’s uploaded. To his complete and utter relief, there aren’t actually any of Bucky doing anything with another person (though it still makes Steve’s stomach churn that it _could_ happen some day). Some of them are longer, some shorter; the second Buck Me video he’d posted was indeed him fulfilling a request to jerk himself off – which, according to Bucky’s introduction, had been an overwhelmingly _popular_ request after his first video. Apparently he’d gotten his first thousand followers within twenty-four hours of posting the first video. Steve isn’t surprised at all.

The video where he jerks off for the first time on camera isn’t Steve’s favourite, but it’s pretty damn close. Of course, he’d seen Bucky naked plenty of times, and Bucky had seen Steve in return, but both of them were always flaccid when it had happened and the circumstances ( _no surprise_ ) were always innocent. But after all those times of Steve feeling it accidentally pressing against him while Bucky slept, Steve had an idea of its size. To actually see it in all of its glory was mind-blowing in and of itself.

Of course, that clearly wasn’t the best part of that video – it was watching _Bucky_ while he did it. He’d recorded it on his laptop that time, as opposed to the cam on his PC, so the frame was a lot more up close and Steve could see everything from the way his hand moved ( _the things Bucky repeated and seemed to like best_ ), to every little facial expression Bucky made during.

Some people are just beautiful to watch while they get lost in their pleasure. The vulnerability and _honesty_ in Bucky’s features while he’d watched his own hand and released tiny little _unh_ ’s and _mm_ ’s with every few breaths was like… It was like taking how stunning Tayte Hanson is while he fucks and combining it with how gorgeous Jaxon Radoc is when he _comes_.  

Naturally, the first time Steve watched that video, he hadn’t even been able to last as long as halfway through. He got as far as Bucky giving his cock _one_ stroke before he was spilling all over the place.

Some of the other videos progressively got a little dirtier; ranging from Bucky fucking his ass with a dildo, to trying to see if he could get himself off doing nothing but playing with and pinching his nipples (he _almost_ succeeded but couldn’t get all the way there, so he had to put a hand down south near the end and admit failure, which Steve found ironic cause it sure as fuck had still felt like a _win_ in _his_ books)… There’s one of Bucky experimenting with anal beads, and one with a plug; one where he’d been challenged to see how many of his fingers he could take before it was too much ( _four_ ).

Steve had watched him drip candle wax along his chest while he was instructed to touch everywhere _but_ his cock, and – _in a video that actually made Steve have a small asthma attack_ – do nothing but try and milk his prostate while he writhed on the bed and _talked_ the entire time… About what he wanted the person on the other side of the screen to be doing to him. Fuck, there was even one where he’d been requested to do nothing but play with his foreskin and touch it up close to the camera, and Steve had found that surprisingly erotic.

Bucky doesn’t come in all of them, though – for his subscribers – he tends to in the majority of them. By about the fifth video, Steve had noticed that Bucky was finding his footing and getting comfortable with what exactly his stage persona was. Bu the seventh video, he’d opened up his Buck Me Thursday video with, “ _Hey there, Bucksters!_ ” (which turned out to be his trademark opening that he carried over into every video that followed). By video number ten, all prior shyness was completely gone, and Bucky addressed the camera as if everyone on the other side were his close friends. This, of course, allowed Bucky to become even more flirtatious and seductive when the time called for it, which had just meant even _more_ startling orgasms for Steve while he watched helplessly.

And yet, Steve compromises with himself that he’ll only watch _one_ video and then head over to Bucky’s – just to get it out of his system – but he doesn’t watch any of these. They aren’t his number one favourite. He isn’t completely sure _why_ this one in particular does it for him the most, but… He pants to himself and thrusts his hips up into his fist while he re-watched #BUCK ME THURSDAY #9 – aka, the one where Bucky was requested to give the camera a strip tease.

Honestly, watching the slow, sensual way he moves in this video, Steve’s convinced that Bucky could just make a solid career as a burlesque dancer or something down that alley. Steve has _no_ idea where his best friend learned to do that, but it’s literally the most erotic thing he’s ever seen – and that _includes_ all of Bucky’s other videos. It’s sort of humiliating to admit, but in less than twenty-four hours, Steve’s watched this video about ten times. And just like the other nine times, he comes within the first _minute..._  then spends the rest of it watching with heavy lids and a dopey look on his face while he fights to catch his breath.

Cleaning himself up afterwards, he looks at his reflection in the mirror and then mutters, “Fuck.” That plan hadn’t helped him at _all_. He’d naively thought maybe the release would ease some of the built up tension, but he realizes that was just wishful, foolish thinking. He should’ve really known better, that this would make things worse and be a _terrible_ idea. But it’s too late now. So, chewing the inside of his cheek until it’s almost bloody, he fishes through his dresser to grab his bathing suit and then leaves a note for his mom, in case she gets off of her shift early. Hopping back into his car, he heads out to Bucky’s place.

Bucky’s home is large, which is accommodating, given that it has to comfortably house a family of six. For Steve, the Barnes-Proctor residence is his second home and second _family_. Bucky was barely four when he’d met Steve, back when they were both being babysat by the same lady, and Bucky had already been adopted by the Proctors at that point. So they’ve known him as long as his best friend has and have always been just another set of parents to him. This means that after fourteen years, Steve _never_ needs to knock when he shows up.

Walking through the front door, he calls out, “Hey Buck? M’here!”

“In the kitchen, buddy; just grabbing a glass of OJ. You want in?” Bucky calls from down the hall.

“Nah, I’m fine. M’gonna use the washroom to change,” Steve replies. A few minutes later, he walks back out in his swim trunks and his t-shirt. Even though Bucky’s seen him shirtless almost as much as his own mother has, Steve _hates_ being on display like that. He knows his underweight figure is most definitely _not_ attractive; he doesn’t need the guy he’s always been craziest about having to look at it, too.

Sure enough, though, when he steps into the kitchen and Bucky sees him, he rolls his eyes mid-sip of juice and then says after swallowing, “Dude, it’s just _us_ – how many times do I have to tell you that it’s _okay_ to take the shirt off?”

Steve’s already opening up the fridge door to pull out a bottle of water. Internally, he just keeps trying to remember _not_ to go blurting anything out or be weird or something. So he just says something along the lines of what he always says, only vaguely hearing himself – _Yeah, I know, Buck. Still don’t mean m’gonna take it off, though._

Bucky watches him while he leans against the counter and traces his index finger around the rim of his glass. Narrowing his eyes just the tiniest bit, he asks, “You _sure_ nothing’s up with you? You’ve been off all day; can’t shake the feelin’ that there’s something you ain’t telling me.”

Steve closes the door and twists the cap off of the water bottle; buying himself some time by taking a big, long gulp while he gathers his thoughts and tries to appear casual. He shrugs, playing dumb. “I told you I’m fine,” he replies. “Maybe it’s just ‘cause it’s getting closer to prom and…”

Bucky’s face relaxes and he gets a look, as though he suddenly fully understands. Steve feels bad for making Bucky think he _gets_ it now, when he really, _really_ doesn’t. “Steve, I know what you’re doin’ to yourself, okay? You’re gonna get all stressed out about askin’ someone, and then if none of the girls at school are _smart_ enough to see how much of a catch you are, you’re gonna take it personally, get all down on yourself, and not wanna go.”

( _Okay, well, that’s still sort of true._ )

“Buck,” Steve sighs, “I don’t wanna talk about--”

“Okay, okay, we won’t,” Bucky interrupts, lifting his hands in surrender. But then he brings his glass back to his lips and says matter-of-factly, “But I already spoke to the rest of the gang and we’ve all decided we’re gonna go stag so we can make it a group thing.”

“What?” Steve asks in surprise.

This gets Bucky smiling. “You heard me – no worrying about tryin’ to get dates, or _rejections_ , or all that bullshit. We’re gonna enjoy the night _together_. After all, we won’t have many more chances like this once summer’s over.”

They both go quiet for a moment, staring at each other and then away sadly. Many of their friends are moving to different locations to go to school out of State. Steve almost did, too, until he found out that Bucky was going to be going to NYU. Then, of course, Steve had not-so-subtly accepted his offer from the New York Academy of Art. Bucky hadn’t even _pretended_ to hide how happy he was that Steve wouldn’t be leaving. But the idea of not being able to just call up Natasha, or Tony, or Peggy, or Bruce, and just get together with them… It was hard to wrap their heads around. They’d all been friends since elementary school.

“Can you even _do_ that, though?” Steve asks quietly after another minute of silence, trying not to get his hopes up. “I mean, we both know you’re definitely gonna be voted Prom King.”

“We don’t know that,” Bucky replies humbly, but _yeah_ , they both know it. His biggest competition is Brock Rumlow, who’s one of the school’s typical ‘cool jocks’. But Bucky’s loved by _everybody_ and somehow manages to be both a jock _and_ an artistic geek at the same time. His hands can pluck the strings of a guitar or sculpt something from clay as effortlessly and as smoothly as he can dribble a basketball or throw a football.

Bucky’s basically just _perfect_ , is Steve’s position on the matter.

“Besides,” Bucky continues, once again pulling him from his thoughts, “there’s no rule that says I gotta bring a date just ‘cause I was nominated. I can do whatever I want. What’re they gonna do – _not let me graduate?_ I’m an Honour’s student.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Steve says, smiling. He’s starting to feel much better. In fact, the conversation’s been so normal and comfortable that he’d actually forgotten all about the videos… That is, until Bucky finishes his glass of orange juice and then pushes himself from the counter, _tugging his shirt over his head._

Aaaand then Steve’s eyes fall to his unfairly perfect torso and he remembers. Everything. _In painful detail._ He only just catches himself to stop staring when Bucky glances back over to him, and that’s when Steve realizes that Bucky’s been in his swim shorts the entire time. Bucky grabs their towels and tosses one Steve’s way, as the blond follows him out to the backyard, once again _very much regretting this decision_. He’s already half-hard again, and if he pops a boner before he can disguise it in the pool, he’s going to be so fucking busted.

Bucky’s always been a bit of a show-off. He tosses his towel onto one of the lounging chairs and then breaks into a run; gaining momentum so he can throw himself head-first into the air and do a front flip into the deep end of the in-ground pool. He makes an impressive splash before his head rips from the water’s surface and he’s using his hands to swipe his hair back and off of his face. Steve almost groans – Bucky shouldn’t be allowed to do that. He also shouldn’t be allowed to have his hair wet and slicked back like that. _Or_ be looking up at Steve with that expectant, boyish grin like that either.

“C’mon, ya pussy – get in!” he hollers.

Steve realizes as he puts his towel down that he completely forgot to change his glasses to his contacts while at home. And he sure as hell can’t swim with them on; not unless he wants them getting all wet and annoyingly fogged up. Then he’ll be rubbing at them all night. The alternative is that, unfortunately, he’ll have to be partially blind. Sighing to himself, he opts for blindness as he pulls them off and then heads towards the pool, squinting to make sure he doesn’t miscalculate his footing and go plummeting in unexpectedly.

Bucky notices and immediately gets out of the pool to come help him find his way to the built-in staircase leading into the shallow end. Steve feels like an idiot for needing help like this, but it wouldn’t be the first time. It’s also a welcome distraction, so his body doesn’t go embarrassing him by getting any unwanted erections. Luckily, that _also_ means he won’t need to see Bucky’s body in all that perfect detail while they swim – so _okay, this is good, he can get through this._

Bucky’s always _also_ been a total shithead. The water’s colder than Steve expected, and he’s a bit of a wuss when it comes to adjusting to it – he’s always been a _test the water with your toes and then ease your way in_ kind of guy, whereas Bucky’s the _cannonball straight into the deep end and get the worst part over with_ sort of person. So it takes him a few minutes just to let the water get up to his hips. Bucky, having been watching impatiently, eventually comes splashing up behind him and tosses Steve over his shoulder. Steve shouts and curses him, pounding at the brunet’s back with his fists, until he starts yelling, “Put me _down_! Bucky! Fuckin’ _stop_ it – I _said_ , put me down!”

“Alright, if you insist!” Bucky replies gleefully – and then chucks Steve into the water.

Steve emerges and shouts, “ _Fuck you!_ ” because _fuck, this shit is cold_ – and he can hear Bucky’s laughter, but now he’s also got water in his eyes and his bangs matted over them, too, so he has no idea where to look. Kicking his legs to remain afloat, he pushes his own hair back and then huffs, looking around for Bucky, but it hadn’t really helped his sight all that much. He _really_ should’ve remembered the damn contacts. And Bucky’s laughter has stopped and he isn’t making a sound anymore, so Steve can’t find him at all.

“Buck?” he says. Nothing. Steve circles his arms and kicks his legs and spins in a small circle, on guard. “Buck, don’t be a dick; where are you?”

Somewhere off to his left, he suddenly hears Bucky sing, “ _Duh-na_ …”

Then silence. A tiny sound of water splashing but then suddenly Bucky’s voice is off to the _right_ as he sings again, “ _Duh-na…_ ”

“Bucky, don’t even fuckin’ think about it,” Steve warns.

Now the voice comes from somewhere off _behind_ him; Bucky must be doing all of his swimming underwater so Steve can’t hear the movements. “ _Duh-na, duh-na, duh-na_ ,” he keeps singing mischievously, doing his best impression of the theme song from _Jaws._

“Buck--”

There’s a splash, and Steve spins around quickly in its direction. His pulse is quickening with that adrenaline you feel when you watch a scary movie and _know_ the killer’s about to jump out – and he both _hates_ and _loves_ when Bucky does crap like this to him. He can mostly just see blobs and fuzzy shapes of different colours, but none that resemble Bucky’s hair. Everything’s silent. Steve opens his mouth again—

“ _DA NA NAAAAA!_ ” Bucky suddenly shouts a split-second after Steve feels a splash and realizes Bucky’s swum up literally _right_ behind him. In an instant, Bucky’s throwing his arms around him and tackling him into the water. Steve yelps with surprise but is able to take a breath before his head is submerged. When they come up for air, he hears Bucky start cackling maniacally, so he decides he might as well put up a fight and try and break out of his grip.

They’ve wrestled like this a million times before… But somehow, in the commotion, Steve overshoots his lung capacity and exerts himself _way_ too much – going from horsing around to suddenly panicking, as he struggles to breathe and suddenly feels like he can’t keep his head above the surface. He can hear Bucky’s voice, but his own gasping is too loud to be able to make out the specifics of _what_ he’s saying.

All Steve knows is that _one_ second, he’s thrashing, and the _next_ , Bucky’s voice is really close and he’s grabbing Steve and pulling him to his own body. He gets Steve’s legs around his waist and guides him to throw his arms around Bucky’s neck – and suddenly Steve finds himself _in Bucky’s arms, with their faces inches apart, and the feeling of Bucky’s arms tightly around his back and their hips pressed together._

The _only_ reason his dick doesn’t immediately get hard is due to the panic still in his system, as well as the fact that with how tired he’s made himself and how chilly the water is, his pathetically frail body probably couldn’t actually get the proper blood flow for that right now. But that doesn’t make the closeness any less terrifying at the moment.

He immediately stops fighting and stills. This close, and Steve can see Bucky’s face much more clearly. Bucky’s staring at him with a startling amount of worry in his eyes, and _oh god, fuck,_ they’re so close that their noses are practically touching. They have _never_ been _this_ close in _this_ way before, and Steve has no idea what he’s supposed to do or where this is supposed to head.

Bucky swallows – _did his eyes just flicker down to Steve’s mouth or did Steve just have a temporary stroke or something?_ – and then he asks, “Are you okay…?”

Steve just keeps staring at his eyes, his own baby blues slightly widened, and gives a tiny nod. “Yeah…” he replies quietly. The confusion is _so_ evident in his voice. “I… Sorry about that…”

“No, uh…” Bucky clears his throat. He hasn’t looked away from Steve’s eyes. “That was all on me. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard.”

He also hasn’t let go of Steve, either.

For a split second, Steve wonders if they’re about to kiss. This is usually what happens in movies _right_ before people kiss for the first time. And then he realizes how _stupid_ of a hope that is for him to have, and he feels like he’s about to cry. He definitely doesn’t want Bucky to see _that_ , so he breaks the eye contacts and looks over to his towel, muttering, “I think I wanna get out now, if that’s okay.”

“Oh… Yeah, yeah of course, buddy. Hang on.”

Bucky wades through the pool, across the shallow end until Steve can find his own footing. Bucky makes sure to keep one hand gripping his arm and one splayed flush in the middle of Steve’s bony back as he walks him up the stairs and around the edge of the pool to grab their towels and Steve shoves his glasses back on. For the most part, they stay silent as they head back into the house. In the bathroom, Steve changes back into his pants and puts on a dry shirt he’d brought with him, and even with perfect vision again, Steve chooses not to look at himself.

When he heads back into the living room, Bucky’s got the TV on and is in the middle of texting. He smiles over at Steve like nothing happened, but he _does_ ask, “Feelin’ any better?”

“Yeah,” Steve lies, throwing on a smile. He flops down on the couch, but subtly tries to put some space between them – even though all he wants to do is get as close as possible and breathe in Bucky’s scent, of shampoo and cigarettes and lingering Axe body spray and chlorine. They’re quiet for a few minutes and just stare at what’s on TV.

“You wanna order pizza or somethin’?” Bucky eventually asks.

Steve can’t help but be thankful and relieved that Bucky was the braver of the two of them to re-initiate the conversation. He exhales, losing some of the tension that’d been in his body, and answers, “Sounds great, I’m starving.”

\---

Bucky’s mom gets home first, coming through the door with Bucky’s youngest adopted sister, Amy. About twenty minutes later and his dad arrives with Bucky’s adopted brother, Ben, and Bucky’s biological sister, Rebecca. Becca’s only ten months younger than Steve, so they’ve always gotten along really well and could chat with each other like regular friends do. Bucky had anticipated them all coming home around that time, so when they’d ordered the pizzas, they’d done so accordingly. They all eat together.

Around seven, there’s suddenly a bit of a commotion in the house and a _lot_ of unexpected running around, and Steve has no idea why. He and Bucky are hanging out back in the living room and watching _Family Guy_ , and Steve keeps glancing over his shoulder to see one person or another striding past the door frame every couple of minutes. He’s literally _right_ about to ask what’s going on when Bucky checks his phone and then casually says, “Shit, I totally lost track of the time. I got an essay due for Mrs. Caldwell’s class tomorrow that I totally left until the last minute; you mind if we call it an early night?”

“Huh?” Steve asks, looking over his shoulder again as Bucky’s mom walks in and out of sight. He looks back to his best friend. “Oh, yeah, that’s fine. My ma should be home soon anyways, so I can make her somethin’ to eat for when she gets home.”

“Cool,” Bucky replies, getting off the couch. Steve follows suit. As they head towards the front door so Bucky can see him out, the brunet adds, “Hey, maybe we can make it up tomorrow or somethin’.”

“Sure,” Steve says, half-distracted. He’s watching Bucky’s mom try and gather up Amy, who’s running across the front hallway in nothing but her diaper and screaming gleefully, under the impression that what they’re doing is a _game_ , when--

 _He sees Rebecca come down the stairs wearing her Taekwondo uniform_.

It’s…

Steve’s throat goes dry. How had he lost track of the day of the week?

It’s _Thursday_. Bucky doesn’t have an _essay_ to write, he has…

“Steve,” Bucky repeats for the third time. This time Steve hears it and he snaps back to look at him, looking startled.

“Huh?”

Bucky regards his face and then says slowly, “I asked again if you were okay from earlier. Seriously, _what_ is up with you today? Is it still the prom thing? ‘Cause I thought--”

“Uh, yeah, sorry, m’still stuck on that,” Steve cuts in, _way_ too casually. He tones his expression down and shakes his head before giving Bucky an apologetic look. “Sorry, I know I’m being weird today. I’ll be fine by tomorrow. I think I just need a good night’s sleep.”

“Hmm… _Okay_ , then make sure you do that,” Bucky says, squeezing Steve’s shoulder and opening up the front door. “See ya bright and early, Rogers,” he calls after him as Steve heads down the driveway towards his parked car.

But Steve knows… Those Buck Me videos are never done _live_ , but Steve’s figured out Bucky’s system based off of his uploading patterns; he must record each one a week in advance, so that every Thursday, he uploads the one he’d recorded the _previous_ Thursday, and then he _films_ the one he plans to upload the _following_ week. So, given that Becca’s lesson is in half an hour and his family will probably be out of the house within the next ten minutes to drive there…

By the time Steve gets home, Bucky will probably already be up in his bedroom, either uploading his pre-recorded video or in the process of _starting_ on his next one. Steve feels like he’s going to pass out.

“Yeah, see ya,” he forces himself to call back. But what he _really_ means to say is, ‘ _See ya shortly._ ’

* * *

Steve doesn’t know how he makes it through that night without dying, he really doesn’t. 

He makes dinner for when his mom gets home, and then chooses to watch some TV with her so he can distract himself from trying to imagine what Bucky’s doing back at his place. Around nine, he can’t take it anymore, so he makes some excuse about having homework to do, and heads downstairs to hole himself up in his room.

For the first ten minutes or so, he stares at his opened laptop but hesitates to check out Bucky’s profile. He isn’t sure why he’s suddenly so nervous; maybe because this is the first time he’s actually _part_ of Bucky’s viewing experience _in real time_ , and not just watching and catching up on all of the videos after the fact. It could also have to do with still feeling guilty and like a bit of a pervert somewhere deep down. Honestly, though, there’s also the part of him that’s worried he’ll check and for whatever reason, nothing will have been uploaded. _That’s_ the thing that makes him feel the scummiest.

When he finally does check, he’s elated and anxious that there _is_ in fact a brand new video – only been up for an hour and forty-six minutes, and it already has three-thousand, eight-hundred and seventy-one views. Steve knew that he was but one of a large handful of people who also see these videos, but it still feels _wrong_ and _enraging_ somehow. He feels like if _anyone_ should be the first ( _or the only_ ) one to see something when Bucky posts it, it should be him. Furthermore, whenever he watches, it’s impossible not to forget that, at the exact same time, there are probably hundreds of others watching it, too. Because in the moment, it always just feels like him and Bucky.

Bucky opens up the video by greeting his Bucksters – _which Steve realizes he’s also become and this is so fucking weird to him_ – and giving a very brief overview of how he’s been over the last week, without getting into too much specific detail. He looks happy, is all smiles, and Steve can’t help but think back to the moment in the pool and _yep_ , _now_ he’s definitely erect and needs to give it some tending to.

Steve’s eyes narrow with confusion when Bucky reads the request he’s decided to try and drops a term that Steve’s never heard or seen before: “figging”. Bucky laughs at the camera when he holds up a rather large ginger root in his hand – the skin shaved off two-thirds of it and suspiciously shaped to resemble an anal plug – and explains how difficult it’d been to hide it in the fridge from his family during the week leading up to recording the video.

 _“I have to admit that I had absolutely no idea what this was when I first read the request – sorry, InItToRimIt_ , _but I_ did _look it up and have to say, I was definitely intrigued_ , _”_ Bucky says, eyeing the vegetable. Lowering it out of the frame, he looks back to the camera and says, _“For those of you who are like how I was and have no fuckin’ clue what ‘figging’ is, it’s basically something used in BDSM practices.”_

(There go Steve’s eyes – bulging out of his head again.)

 _“The vegetable you just saw is a ginger root and basically, it’s gonna go up my ass. According to what I’ve read online, I’ll experience an intense burning sensation that can feel real fuckin’ uncomfortable at first – but also, like, in a good way, I guess?”_ Bucky continues. _“Apparently it’s strongest within the first two to five minutes, and then I’d have to shave it down some more to get fresh oils again, which is what makes it burn. But I also read that clenching your ass down on it makes it feel even stronger and better, so… We’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck.”_

And then Steve proceeds to watch him do it… Watch Bucky strip off his boxer briefs and get comfortable on his back… Finger himself open so he can work the ginger root into his hole. Steve notices the flash of nerves on Bucky’s face before he does it, and at this point, Steve isn’t wrapping his hand around his cock – because he’s actually too busy being _worried_ about whether or not this is going to wind up _hurting_ his best friend.

At first, that’s the impression he gets. When it’s finally inside of him, Bucky’s staring down between his legs with a curious look and furrowed brows – and then seconds later, grey eyes widen and then squeeze shut abruptly as Bucky cries out, _“Fuck!”_ and then tosses his head back. His hand free hand fists into the blanket while the other keeping the ginger root in place starts to tremble.

Bucky’s whole _body_ suddenly seems to be shaking, in fact. For a few seconds, he keeps going back and forth between lifting his head back up to stare down and then hissing through clenched teeth and throwing it back again. Whenever Steve can see his expression, it definitely appears to be twisted up in pain. But then, with his head hanging back and elongating the expanse of his throat, Steve watches Bucky’s mouth fall open with a loud, ragged gasp. It just hangs that way for a moment, and then Bucky gives a full-body twitch and suddenly he’s crying out, hot and thick and _definitely_ aroused.

His head falls forward again and Bucky’s eyes are finally open now. It’s the expression he’s wearing that makes Steve start to flush and have to give in to touching himself – his best friend’s nose is scrunched up, jaw still slack, and brows knit together. Bucky looks like he really _hadn’t_ expected it to feel as good as however it seems to be feeling for him, and then _holy shit_ , he’s grabbing his cock and beginning to tug hectically. The request hadn’t said anything about jerking off, so what that means is that it feels strong enough – even with the burning and the pain – that Bucky _needs_ to get himself off, and from the looks and sounds of it, it’s going to happen much sooner than usual.

The timing couldn’t have been any more perfect. After another minute and a half or so of listening to Bucky start whimpering and then _moaning_ and panting out curses, to _full-on crying out with every stroke over his flushed cock_ … After watching Bucky writhe and throw his head back _over and over_ – all the while, keeping that ginger root crammed up inside of himself… Steve’s orgasm hits him at the exact same time that he sees the tip of Bucky’s dick start spitting out his own release. Bucky releases this genuinely confused, overstimulated _sob_ , and Steve just breathes, “Oh my god…” and pumps himself through his orgasm _harder._

After watching it _six_ more times before he finally can’t keep his eyes open anymore and goes through his routine of erasing all of the evidence from the browser history, he feels confident that this installment _definitely_ ties with the strip tease video.

* * *

A few weeks pass. Bucky continues to upload his two videos a week, and Steve continues to work harder at pretending that everything’s completely normal. Gradually, he becomes more convincing, to the point where Bucky stops asking about it. Steve _also_ pretends to be none the wiser about the fact that Bucky always has some sort of excuse as to why he can’t hang out on Thursdays while his family is out at Rebecca’s martial arts lesson.

Steve watches the videos every night when they’re uploaded, and yeah, he replays them a lot throughout the rest of the week in between updates. He also starts to read the comments attached to every video, and finds himself just as much (reluctantly) pleased at how respectful most of Bucky’s followers are about him and what he does, as he’s furious at the small handful who talk to Bucky like he’s nothing more than a hole to fuck.

Maybe it’s that mindset that makes Steve develop a deeper appreciation for his best friend’s Monday night videos – the vlogs. Those ones are never sexual. Though he obviously has a very _deep_ soft spot for the pornographic stuff, Steve grows to actually _prefer_ the vlogs because that’s when he just gets to watch Bucky be _Bucky_. Carefree, laughing, charismatic Bucky – basically, who he _really_ is on a day-to-day basis – is Steve’s favourite person in the world.

The point of _those_ videos is for Bucky to get answer questions sent in to him that _aren’t_ strictly about sex; for his fan base to get to know him. Bucky’s still careful never to give any information or names away that could reveal anything _too_ personal about his personal life (such as where he lives or who he hangs out with, for example), but he actually does open up about a lot of stuff. Bucky will sit there in each video and read out questions, or kind comments sent to his inbox, and every time he does, he looks right into the camera and has the most appreciative smile as he thanks that person. Steve can tell that every single ‘thank you’ is genuine and heart-felt.

It’s a double-sided coin, though. On the one hand, he finds out a few things about Bucky that he’s been wondering about since he found this profile. In ‘UPDATES FOR MY BUCKSTERS #4’, someone had asked him if he was gay, to which Bucky had answered, _“I don’t really feel like I adhere to a specific umbrella term. I’m attracted to whoever I’m attracted to, regardless of what’s between or not between their legs, y’know? And I feel like sexuality is so fluid; if I say I’m gay but then down the road, were to fall in love with a woman – or vice versa – then I’d be accused of never having been gay in the first place. It’s really frustrating sometimes, how people try and have these set definitions and rules for something that is based on something so intrinsic and complicated as to how we feel and_ want _on the inside. I just… yeah. I love_ people _.”_

And that had been one of the most profound and sensible things Steve had ever heard; to have it be phrased like that. But it’s _also_ reminded him of how annoyed it made him that Bucky was sharing this was thousands of complete strangers when he’d never even told _Steve_ – about as much as he felt similarly when, in update #8 when a follower asked how old Bucky had been when he’d realized his views on his sexuality, Bucky (to Steve’s shock) had admitted to having known since he was _fourteen._ Bucky had known he was into guys before _Steve_ had discovered – and _admitted_ to – the same thing.

Steve wishes he could confront Bucky about that part, but he’s sort of in a position where he can’t. So he just hopes with every passing day that something will make Bucky decide to open up to him about it.

On the whole, though, Steve grows to love these videos. And the more he does, the guiltier he feels about the intense, _filthy_ things Bucky does on camera for his and all of these other peoples’ enjoyment.

That’s what makes him decide to take the leap and start paying for his own requests. Turns out, it costs five bucks per request, which – given that Bucky only picks one or two per video to fulfill but seems to get _dozens_ on a weekly basis – is even _better_ money in Bucky’s pocket. Fuck, the guy must be almost finished saving up everything he needs for the upcoming year; not just for tuition and supplies, but to get a place of his own in the actual city.

So Steve pays the five dollars and decides to give him something completely out of the ordinary in comparison to what he must always usually get. Sure enough, two weeks later, he watches Bucky’s seventeenth ‘#BUCK ME THURSDAYS’ installment, only for the video to start with Bucky giving the camera a strange smile. The brunet looks slightly weirded out but also, in a way, _touched_.

 _“Hey Bucksters,”_ he begins. _“So, I got something in my Inbox last week that I just couldn’t really ignore – namely ‘cause it’s sort of fuckin’ weird compared to what you guys normally submit to me. But…”_ He shakes his head and chuckles, looking away. He seems to not know how to comprehend it. _“I also thought it was surprisingly nice, so… Apparently this week, you guys are gonna watch me light up some candles, take a bubble bath, and just talk to you guys. Nothin’ sexual – you have veste4 to thank for that.”_

Steve’s ears burn and he gulps when Bucky looks back to the camera, gives a tiny salute with his right hand, and says, _“Even though it was sort of unexpected, I’ve actually had a bit of a stressful week in terms of school assignments and shit, so I needed to be forced to do somethin’ relaxing like this. So, veste4, whoever you are, thank you.”_

The following five minutes (since Bucky had cut and edited the video to jump around during his bath and get rid of all of the ‘boring bits’), Steve can’t erase the wide, lovesick smile on his face while he watches Bucky do exactly as he’d requested: light up some candles, put his laptop on the closed toilet lid, facing the bathtub, and then sit in the large amount of bubbles and relax while chatting to the camera. Bucky talks about his day and, to Steve’s surprise, tells a story about something he and _Steve_ had chatted about, without giving Steve’s name away, of course. Bucky smiles the entire time he tells the story, and when he absentmindedly lathers up some shampoo and styles his hair into a sudsy Mohawk while he chatters away, Steve laughs to himself and falls a little more in love.

So he keeps doing it. Bucky doesn’t take his requests _every_ time, which is perfectly fine (Steve still loves to see the porn videos because _come the fuck on_ ). But it gets to the point where Steve’s sending him at least two nice requests every week and Bucky reveals in one of his vlogs that, _“Whoever this veste4 person is, they either have a heart of gold or they_ really _don’t want you all to see me touchin’ myself.”_ Bucky laughs and continues, _“So I’ve decided to add a third weekly video day for you guys, in the event that you like that fluffier sort of thing, too. Starting this weekend, I’ll be adding ‘BUCK ME SOFTLY SUNDAYS’, and it’ll be reserved for filling all these sappy, nauseatingly sweet requests that this veste4 person keeps sending me. Veste4, you should consider yourself lucky – I’m doin’ this just for you!”_

It’s meant as a joke, but Steve doesn’t care. It _does_ mean a lot to him.

Steve tries to pick things that either aim to get Bucky to inadvertently showcase the aspects of him that remind his followers that he’s _more_ than just an object, or things that make Bucky pamper himself in some way. Sometimes, Steve picks something completely useless, just to watch Bucky be adorably awkward at it while the brunet tries to figure out how to make it _sexy_ somehow. Because he still _does_ try his best to cater it to the majority, which at the very least involves him doing whatever Steve’s request is, in the nude.

Steve asks him to do things such as playing his acoustic guitar and singing, or reading from one of his favourite books out loud; more baths happen, or filming himself cooking dinner while his family’s out. Bucky does that completely naked and Steve has to admit, it’s hilarious to watch while still being sexy.

But every day when they see each other, whether it’s at school or hanging out afterwards, Steve’s always constantly wondering if Bucky will turn to him at any moment and tell him he’s figured it all out. The more he thinks about it, the more he wonders how pissed Bucky would be; if he’s only digging a deeper hole and should stop what he’s doing. He doesn’t, exactly, but… the guilt is enough to make Steve drastically reduce the number of requests he sends in.

By the beginning of June, he hasn’t even sent _one_ in in over two weeks – and he’s surprised when, on his Monday night vlogs, Bucky even makes a comment about it; jokingly asking veste4 with an overdramatic pout if he’s forgotten all about Bucky and found someone new to want to ‘love on’. Steve’s heart clenches and he immediately sends him a request for another bath, with the attached message, _‘Sorry, I just didn’t want to bother you, that’s all.’_ That very Sunday, Bucky uploads a Buck Me Softly video of him taking a bath and telling the camera with a warm little smile, _“You could never bother me, veste4; I love hearing from you. Thanks again, yeah?”_

It’s _really_ tough not to say, “You’re welcome”, when Steve sees Bucky the next morning at school.

* * *

“Fuck! _Fuck!_ This is horseshit…” Bucky keeps muttering to himself later that week. _Thursday_ , to be exact. He’s sitting on Steve’s bed with his back to the wall; textbook off to his side and notebook in his lap. They’re both in the same Advanced Chemistry class, but Bucky’s been struggling recently in their second-last unit, Acid-Base Equilibria, so Steve offered for them to do their homework together in case Bucky needed some guidance. He’s been stuck on trying to wrap his head around the H^+ versus OH^- concentrations and everything each one entails, and he keeps complaining about not getting the right answers to the assignment’s mock test questions. His calculations keep being off and, from the sounds of it, the numbers are starting to jumble together and not make very much sense. 

Steve’s made camp on the floor, his opened books and scattered papers surrounding him while he chews his pencil between his teeth. He’s already past that unit, now reading ahead and learning about the very last section devoted to Thermodynamics. Of course, he _doesn’t_ share this with Bucky because there’s no need to rub it in or make Bucky feel more frustrated. He asks for about the half dozenth time if he wants any help, but Bucky keeps waving him off impatiently and insisting, “I’m fine, I’m gonna figure this out.”

So Steve just shrugs and goes back to reading. He’s so caught up in processing the information on the page pertaining to entropy that he’s hardly paying attention when Bucky huffs and throws his hands down in defeat, saying, “Okay, yeah, I don’t even know what I’m lookin’ at anymore. I need a breather; you think I can hop on your laptop for a bit?”

“Yeah, sure, it’s on my desk,” Steve replies distractedly, eyes still working on finishing the line he’d been reading. The implication of Bucky’s request doesn’t hit him until a few moments later, when his words finally sink in and Steve sees Bucky out of the corner of his eye, getting back onto the bed with the closed laptop resting on his inner arm. The panic that sets in is instantaneous.

He’s been getting sloppier lately when it comes to not erasing his browser history the _moment_ he’s finished watching Bucky’s videos – which means that, if Bucky gets that screen open, the first thing he’s going to see his own profile, on his own video, more than likely paused on his own body in a very revealing position. The world feels like it’s spinning in slow motion as he stares at Bucky in bewilderment and watches his sit back against the wall and start to open the laptop up. Then he blinks and time moves normally again, and Steve’s off the ground in a split second _flat_. Diving across the bed, he shouts, “Wait, _hold on!_ ” and slams it back closed.

Bucky jumps and pulls his hands back, the quick action almost having resulted in all ten of his fingers getting slammed and sandwiched in-between the screen and the keyboard. “Steve, what the _hell!?_ ” he shouts with annoyance, watching as the blond snatches the laptop away and moves to the other side of the room, where he flips it back open with the screen facing _away_ from Bucky.

“I’m sorry – _sorry_ ,” Steve replies quickly. His face is burning _bad_ and he feels like a complete asshole, but what else was he supposed to do? He works quickly, closing all the tabs before erasing the history again. He can feel Bucky’s eyes on him the entire time, and even without having to meet his gaze, Steve knows that Bucky’s grey eyes might as well just be question marks. Less than thirty seconds later and he opens up a new tab and, by default, goes to Google before he breathes out the air in his lungs and stops panicking.

“Okay… Uh… Here,” he says awkwardly, rising back up and depositing the laptop next to Bucky’s legs.

Bucky doesn’t take it. His eyes are narrowed and he looks like he could start badgering Steve for answers about as easily as he could get off the mattress, hug him, and ask him with _worry_ if he’s okay. He settles for asking, “And just what the fuck was _that_ about, exactly?”

Steve has to look away, he _has_ to. There’s guilt written all over his face and _he’s been made, Bucky totally figured it out_ , but still he just mumbles, “Nothing, just… Forgot I had somethin’ open on there that was private.”

Bucky still looks at him skeptically, but this answer seems to ease some of the annoyance in his features. His jaw slackens a bite and he just rolls his eyes and picks up the laptop. Opening it up and starting to click away – _Steve assumes, hopes, prays to God he didn’t leave any traces behind and Bucky’s_ not _searching for them right now_ – he taunts harmlessly, “What – didn’t want me to see your porn, Stevie?” Then he glances up at Steve with a small, smug smirk and jabs, “Were you watchin’ porn the last time you used this thing?”

“Uh... yeah,” Steve answers, face flaring up even more. He chooses to go with that because that means he’s not exactly _lying_ – he’s just… picking and choosing how much of the truth he tells Bucky.

Bucky pretends to be scandalized; gasps and sarcastically says, “Oh _me_ oh _my_ , _someone_ call the Jerk-Off Police – Steve Rogers was watchin’ _porn!_ ”

“Shh!” Steve hisses, glancing at his closed bedroom door. The chances of his mom overhearing them wasn’t high, but _still…_

Bucky, meanwhile, just keeps staring at the laptop. He shakes his head in mock disapproval, tutting. “Thought you were better than that, Steve,” he says. “I mean, this makes you the _only_ person in the world to ever use the internet for porn. You should be _ashamed_ of yourself.”

“Okay, Bucky, I get it,” Steve mutters flatly, now glaring at him.

Bucky gets a tiny, amused smile and then glances up at him. They both pause and then Bucky says, “But _come on_ , Steve, _really_ – porn? _That’s_ what you were so freaked out about me seein’? You looked like you were about to shit your pants. Bit of an overreaction, dontcha think?”

“I said sorry,” Steve mutters, now feeling even _more_ stupid. He stares down at the ground and then sighs, shaking his head and going back to sit on the floor and _try_ to distract himself with his homework. In reality, all he winds up doing is reading the same sentence over and over again while daydreaming about how much _better_ he could’ve – and should’ve – handled that situation. Bucky doesn’t say anything, but there’s the quiet, constant tapping away of his fingers on the keyboard, so Steve assumes he’s chatting with one of their friends on Facebook.

Or maybe he’s checking his messages on his _other_ profile. Would he risk doing something like that with Steve right there?

“Do you?” Steve eventually asks quietly, breaking the silence.

“Do I what?” Bucky asks, sounding preoccupied.

“You know… watch… like, porn.”

This is a _horrible_ attempt at conversation at best, but Steve’s curious to see if maybe by breaching the topic, Bucky might consider coming out and telling Steve the truth about his ‘double life’. Frankly, Steve’s getting tired of constantly having to be on edge and pretend he doesn’t know, and he can’t help but wonder if Bucky ever wishes he could be open and honest about this side of him. The only thing that Steve hates about all of this – and with every day, he hates it _more_ and _more_ – is that Bucky shares things with these strangers that _he_ should’ve been the first to know about.

But Bucky just snorts softly, still staring at the screen. “I’m a _guy_ – is that a serious question?”

Steve knows Bucky isn’t purposely saying any of what he’s saying to make him feel bad; in fact, their friendship has always been based on the mutual shit and hard times they give each other – all done out of love and never seriously. And yet, right now, Steve takes every last thing personally, and it stings. Biting his lip and looking back down at his book, he says, “Forget it,” so quietly under his breath that it’s almost inaudible.

Bucky seems to hear his deflated tone. “Steve? You alright? Hey, what’s gotten into you – what’s the matter?”

When Steve peers back up, Bucky’s holding the laptop screen halfway closed so he can look down to Steve with that concern back on his face. Steve shakes his head and grabs his pencil and notebook in his hands again. “M’fine, just forget I said anythin’,” he says, aiming for nonchalance. It sounds a _lot_ more downtrodden than he means for it to.

Bucky puts down the laptop and before Steve knows it, he’s getting off the bed and kneeling by his side, grabbing his wrists in gentle hands and saying, “No, hey, don’t shut down on me like that--”

“I was bein’ stupid,” Steve mutters.

Bucky stops and blinks at him quickly a few times before setting his jaw and saying, “Okay, you know what?” before grabbing the stuff from Steve’s hands and dropping them to the floor. Tugging on Steve’s skinny wrist, he forces Steve to his feet and then pulls him to the bed.

“Buck, I _said_ \--”

“Good for you, but we’re _still_ gonna talk about this.”

“I really don’t think we need to--”

“Steve, for fuck’s sakes, shut your yap and get on the damn bed.”

Steve’s cock pulses in his pants, at the words in themselves, mixed with the commanding authority in Bucky’s voice. Sighing with a deep frown, Steve begrudgingly goes and then sits with his back to the wall. Bucky plants himself right next to him so the outside of their left and right legs, respectively, are touching. Steve stares down at his hands but Bucky stares at him. Eventually, Steve meets his gaze and then gives him an exasperated look and says, “ _What_.”

“How come you ain’t never talked to me before about this sort of stuff?” Bucky asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Y’know – sex and stuff. Watchin’ porn. Questions you might have, or… just… you know, bein’ _dudes_ and talking about this sort of shit.”

Steve’s cheeks go a fresh shade of red and he looks back to his hands in his lap. “I dunno,” is all he can come up with. He can’t go telling Bucky, ‘ _because nine times out of ten, I’m fantasizing about you in one way or another – even if I’m watching over people_ ’.

“I assume you’ve never talked to your mom about it before?”

“Is _that_ a serious question?” Steve retaliates.

Bucky gets a lopsided little smile. “That’s my point, Steve. You _need_ to be able to talk with someone about this. I just don’t know why you never felt like that person could be me.”

_I could ask you the same fuckin’ thing, pal._

“I dunno, I guess I just…” Steve chews the inside of his cheek and releases another sigh. “I already feel bad enough about myself when it comes to girls and shit – this sort of thing would’ve just made me feel even _more_ clueless in comparison, because of you, like… bein’ so experienced and stuff.”

Bucky listens and gives a barely noticeable, sympathetic nod. “Where are you on the whole ‘comin’ out’ front?” he asks.

Steve shrugs, frown deepening. “I dunno. School’s almost over so I don’t see the point in that right now. I probably won’t hide it once I start fresh in September.”

“I’m sure if you opened yourself up to it, you could find yourself a real great guy who’d love you exactly for who you are,” Bucky suddenly says, and his voice is unexpectedly softer. They’ve never talked about this all that much before (Steve’s choice, of course), so it causes Steve to look over at him quickly; a little wrinkle forming between his brows as they start to furrow. His heart basically somersaults when he sees the way Bucky’s staring down at his own hands, as if in deep contemplation. He also looks… a little _sad_ , actually.

But then… Bucky looks over to him, and time stops. Breathing stops. Thinking stops. Because the way Bucky’s staring into his eyes right now is so fucking genuine and _naked_ and Steve’s never seen Bucky look at him this way before and every rational part of his brain is trying to remind him that it’s nothing more than wishful thinking…

“You’re amazing, Stevie,” Bucky murmurs – _matter-of-factly_ , holding hands with _gentle,_ with just a hint of what sounds like _awe_ in there, too. Steve just stares back at him, probably looking as lost and confused as he feels, and watches Bucky’s eyes look up to his hair before sweeping across his face and passing over Steve’s lips. Their gazes meet again and Bucky adds, “Don’t know how you never see it…”

Now Steve’s breathing is quick and shallow, and he’s either going to pass out or have an asthma attack. He wonders if he’s finally snapped; if he’s going crazy when it feels like Bucky’s suddenly leaning in just the _tiniest_ bit, and Bucky’s eyes keep jumping back and forth between Steve’s mouth and his baby blues – but Steve’s blatantly staring at Bucky’s slightly parted, pouty lips.

An alarm goes off on Bucky’s phone.

They both startle and impulsively, Steve uses the opportunity when Bucky looks away to grab the blaring iPhone to lean a bit more in the _opposite_ direction out of nervousness. He isn’t sure what exactly the brunet’s alarm says, but Steve has an idea. It _is_ Thursday after all. Steve had been sort of hoping that, since he was doing his homework _at_ Steve’s, Bucky wouldn't have his usual excuse for not being able to hang out, and then he either just _wouldn’t leave_ or he’d feel compelled to open up to Steve about the site.

“What’s up?” he asks, playing stupid.

Bucky turns off the alarm, but keeps that easy-going expression on his face while he swipes open his phone and starts to send a text. “Mm,” he hums, “I gotta head back home; didn’t realize it was almost seven _already_.” He shuts off the screen and sits up straighter to pull his sweater back on that he’d removed earlier. When he catches Steve’s inquisitive look, he clarifies, “Becca’s going for her Danbo belt next week, so she’d wanted me to come and actually watch one of her lessons before her exam. I sort of owe her – I haven’t been to one since she got her Brown II.”

“Oh, okay,” Steve says, forcing a smile. Bucky couldn’t have known that Steve and Rebecca happened to chat about her martial arts lessons a few weeks _prior_ , since they always ask each other what’s new in their lives. Rebecca tested for – and _got_ – her Danbo belt _last_ week.

Bucky pauses before getting off of the bed and looks back to Steve from over his shoulder. “…You _sure_ you’re gonna be okay?” Bucky asks, _already_ not sounding convinced.

“I told you, I was fine in the first place,” Steve replies.

“One of these days, you’re gonna stop feelin’ the need to lie to me,” Bucky says casually, sticking his stuff back in his backpack. Steve rolls his eyes and gets off the bed, picking up all of his strewn shit from the floor. “Yeah, well, one of these days, you’re gonna accept the fact that you ain’t always right,” he jokes.

He stands up and dumps his things onto his desk. When he turns around, Bucky’s walking up to him. Steve holds his breath again, but all the older boy does is reach out and squeeze his shoulder. “We _are_ gonna start talkin’ more about this kinda stuff, though… ‘kay? I don’t want you bottlin’ this up. This is the kind of thing we _should_ be talkin’ about.”

“Okay,” Steve agrees, if only because he’s not going to go opening that can of worms again right now.

“You _know_ you can tell me anythin’, right?”

“Yeah, Buck. I know.”

“Okay,” Bucky says after a moment’s pause. He gives Steve a small smile and then turns to head to the door, saying he’ll let himself out and Steve doesn’t have to head all the way upstairs. They’re so far past formalities like that that Steve just heads back over to his bed to get back on it. He stops. Turning, he says, “Bucky?”

The brunet turns around halfway; one hand on the door frame. “Yeah?”

Steve chews on the corner of his mouth. “That goes both ways – you know that, right? That you can tell _me_ anythin’ too?”

He hopes to see a flash of something – _anything_ – at this, but Bucky just looks off and then gets a warm smile. Shooting Steve a side look, he replies, “I know, buddy. See you tomorrow.” And then he heads out.

Steve stares at the empty door frame for a few minutes. He wishes Bucky hadn’t left. He wishes he’d seen Bucky to the front door. He’s also glad to be alone. And deep down, he’s got that dark thrill at knowing there’s going to be a new video tonight. He flops down onto his bed and covers his face with his hands, sighing loudly.

* * *

The following Thursday night, Bucky uploads his newest ‘Buck Me’ update. When it’s over, Steve can’t fathom everything he just saw and heard, so he plays it a second time. 

 _“Hey there, Bucksters,”_ Bucky greets as per usual, waving at the camera and grinning sweetly. _“So, I went out and picked up somethin’ new, because a lot of you guys have been telling me you wanted to see me fuck my ass with a vibrator, so!”_ He reaches off camera, but before bringing it into frame, he catches himself and looks back to the camera, exclaiming, _“Oh! I completely forgot – I have some exciting news. Okay, so… As you guys all know, all of my videos have been pre-recorded._ This _one was even pre-recorded – I basically ran straight home from my buddy’s place and here I am.”_

(Steve’s lungs get tight and his hand starts clutching out over his night table in search of his inhaler.)

 _“Anyways, because I recently just hit my ten_ thousandth _subscriber, I felt you all deserved something special as my way of saying ‘thank you’ to you all. Guys, you’re all amazing, and your comments are amazing, and I just… Yeah. You’re all the fuckin’ best, so…”_ His shoulders rise as he inhales and then he lets it out loudly and announces, _“Next week I will be recording and streaming my show_ live _and will_ finally _be attempting a request I’ve been purposely putting off for_ months _. Trust me, you’ll not gonna wanna miss it.”_

Okay, so Steve had definitely heard that correctly the first time; Bucky’s next show will be live. It’s both a little scary and exciting… It really _will_ feel like he’s in the room, experiencing Bucky’s pleasure with him.

Unfortunately, so will thousands and thousands of _other_ people. Great.

He tries to force himself to forget about that when Bucky gets to the part where he reveals the vibrator. It definitely looks like something Steve should consider going out and picking up for himself. It’s an average side, with a battery-packed handle that has two switches. The body transparent so you can see the small, smooth balls jamming the vibrator full. When Bucky turns on the first switch to demonstrate, it thrums to life and Steve can see the way the tiny bearings jiggle and struggle to move around in there. They strain against the flexible material of the vibrator and give it shifting, vibrating ribs. It must feel _amazing_ in your ass.

But then when Bucky turns on the _second_ switch, the very top of the toy starts swiveling, drawing a tiny circle in the air. Bucky’s eyes actually widen with surprise and he exhales a laugh when he sees what that switch does – as if he’d waited to check this thing out _until_ he was on camera. Steve had his fist stuffed in his mouth the first time he watched the next part, because he deliberately didn’t want to jerk off right away. Instead, it’d built up the pent-up tension and frustration, so when he watches Bucky lying on his back and prepping himself with two fingers to pave the way for the toy, Steve physically _can’t_ hold back anymore.

Another thing Steve’s _very_ familiar with, even though he’s never done any of these things with someone else, is his own ass. He’d showered earlier in the evening so he knows he’s all clean down there, and as he watches Bucky’s lubed-up fingers play around in his tight little hole – listens to Bucky’s sounds that never fail to make Steve breathless – he gets some slick on his own fingers so he can start by fingering himself in tandem while his other hand plays with his balls.

His favourite part of the video isn’t when he watches Bucky _slowly_ ease the vibrator into his ass for the first time – although that part is pretty fucking great. But that’s really no different than when he’d seen Bucky use the dildo. No, the part that makes Steve’s vision go fuzzy is the moment when Bucky first turns it _on_ – making the only thing that separates a vibrator from a dildo is what it can _do_ to you with a quick flick of your thumb.

Bucky’s body jolts in surprise as the vibrating sound fills the room, and he stares down at it as his mouth falls open and a breathless little laugh escapes him. _“That… Heh… Tickles a bit, actually,”_ Bucky jokes breathlessly. He readjusts a bit, spreading his legs wider so the camera has the best angle, and then experimentally turns it up to the next setting. He breathes out a small, _“Ah_ ,” and lets his head fall back. Just for a moment, though; then it’s rolling back down in a half-circle so Bucky can watch his hand start fucking the toy in and out of himself.

Bucky’s already breathing heavily – his bare chest rising and falling a little faster – and he keeps tipping his hips around as if he’s debating on whether or not to thrust against it and meet the movements of his hand. When he pants out, _“Two more strengths – think I should just forego the third and go straight to the strongest one?”_ Steve knows what’s coming – and yet it isn’t any less hot when that’s exactly what Bucky does. The vibrations instantly get louder, and Bucky breathes out a surprised moan before letting his head fall back again and exhaling a mixture of a chuckle and a loud groan. Steve’s top teeth are digging so painfully into his bottom lip that he thinks he can taste blood, and _now_ he starts stroking his cock, while his right hand works a third finger into his ass.

Bucky repositions himself two more times in the video, just for the viewers’ enjoyment. This video is unusually longer than the other ones, clocking in a few seconds shy of seventeen whole minutes. Around a quarter of the way through and Bucky turns onto all four so he can point his ass directly at the camera, lower his front to the bed, and use one hand to reach around and fuck himself with the toy that way. Steve’s grown to learn how Bucky sounds when he’s crying out without the blanket covering his bed wedged between his teeth and when it’s just _all_ Bucky.

When there’s about five minutes left, Bucky lies down on his back and brings his legs to his chest, bent at the knees. This gives the brunet a really nice grip and leverage to fuck his hole harder and faster than in the last position. Steve’s _really_ reaching; curling his fingers and keeps grazing his prostate while the slit of his cock drools out so much precome that the flurry of his fist over the length is wet and obscene. Every time he stimulates that walnut-sized sweet spot inside, he gasps, loud and shaky and all for Bucky.

He knows he isn’t going to last much longer, and sure enough, when Bucky remembers the second setting and flicks it on, Steve can’t _see_ the tip of the vibrator start twirling around inside of his best friend but _oh fuck_ , he can only _imagine_ – and if Bucky’s response is any testament to how perfect it must feel, then yeah, Steve’s going to get himself one of those things. Because Bucky’s back bridges off the mattress and then slumps back down, but he’s fucking his ass _faster_ , and his moans are turning into _cries_ until Bucky’s doing nothing but repeating, _“Ah! Ah! Oh! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Mm! Fuuuuck! Ah! Oh my… oh my God, I… Mm… Oh,_ fuck! _”_

And then he grabs his erection in his other hand and starts pumping it fast. Steve hits his climax before Bucky. Whining his in his throat as he always seems to when he comes these days, he continues to assault his prostate with the tips of his fingers as it swells beneath his touch, before his cock erupts in his other hand, dirtying up his abdomen. Seconds later and he watches Bucky come; going visibly tense and then shuddering all over as he clenches his teeth, squeezes his eyes shut, and groans languidly. _Goddamn_ , he’s always so enchanting to watch when he falls apart. The most beautiful thing in the fucking world.

This was around the point where Steve had stopped the video, only to restart it at the beginning. Normally Bucky just lies there, panting and staring at the ceiling for a few seconds, before making light conversation while he’s still covered in come, and then parting with his usual wave and farewell. He’s just too physically weak at the moment – his fingers still buried inside of himself, only immobile now – to press the ‘Stop’ button.

Bucky turns off the vibrator and eases it out of his ass. Then he just lies there, catching his breath. He gets a small smile on his face. But a slightly strange expression also washes over his features; like he looks confused and surprised with himself. Between large gulps of air, he lolls his head to the side so he can peek over at the camera and explain, _“I almost… Heh… I almost shouted someone’s name when I came just now…_ That _would’ve been embarrassing, thank fuckin’ god I didn’t, huh?”_

And just like that, Steve’s heart completely sinks out of his rib cage, out his back, through the bed, past the floor, and down, down, down into the earth. Bucky had been thinking about _someone_ in particular while he’d done that. That means, he’d left Steve’s house the previous Thursday, went straight home, and got himself off to thoughts of… some _asshole_ that Bucky didn’t even feel the need to tell Steve about, much like everything else Steve’s discovered lately.

He suddenly doesn’t feel very good. Haphazardly wiping off the hand that’d been gripping his cock, he closes out of the browser altogether and then slams the laptop shut.

* * *

Steve stays home from school the next day. He tells his mom that he has a stomach ache and, given Steve’s medical history and the fact that he _rarely_ ever uses illness as an excuse not to go to school, Sarah Rogers gives him her permission. He spends the day in bed, sleeping on and off, and refusing to go on his laptop. When the urge becomes too great, Steve brings it upstairs and dumps it in the living room before heading back down and crawling back into bed. 

The entire gang texts him all day to make sure he’s alright. Bucky texts him nineteen times, starting as early as eight forty-five in the morning. He asks Steve if he’s okay, he tells him to take a bath or eat some soup; he also tells Steve that he’ll beat the crap out of him if his punk ass doesn’t get better, and asks if Steve would like for him to come over once school’s done.

Steve doesn’t answer any of them. Bucky doesn't drop by.

* * *

He also doesn’t get together with Bucky that weekend, either. They were all planning to go to the movies Saturday night and then grab a bite to eat afterwards. Bucky was going to crash at Steve’s. Steve feels bad that he bails, but he claims to still not be feeling well, and they all understand. Bucky keeps texting him and by Saturday morning, Steve _does_ start replying again. (He apologizes for the day before and covers it up by claiming to have slept most of it away, so he hadn’t checked his phone.) 

Bucky offers to skip the movie too and just come over. **_I can bring over Dragon Age or some movies or something_** , he says. **_Bring the party to you :)_**

Steve thanks him but tells him he’d rather just sleep it off. To his surprise, Bucky texts back, **_Then I’ll bring over Dragon Age or some movies and just watch them MYSELF while you sleep. Your bed IS big enough for 2, you know._**

Steve tears up; feels his throat get tight with guilt and hurt and anger at the world for how it always seems to shit on him regarding things like this. It’s physically painful for him to have to turn an offer like that down. But he sticks to his guns and he _does_ – thanking Bucky again for the offer but insisting that he’ll just see him on Monday, and to say hi to everyone for him. Then he just stares at the phone and watches the typing icon pop op and disappear, pop up and disappear, pop up and disappear, like Bucky’s struggling to figure out what to reply. Then it pops up again and stays there for almost a minute, and Steve’s starting to grow nervous at the _novel_ Bucky must be writing him…

It disappears again. A half-minute later and Bucky just texts back: **_Okay, if that’s what you want. Feel better. TTEOTL._**

Steve types back quickly, **_TTEOTL_** , and presses ‘Send’ before he can talk himself out of it, before turning off his phone all together and burying his face back into his pillow.

He just needs to be alone.

\---

By Sunday, he resolves that he has no right to feel upset by what he’s seen, because it was never any of his business to see it in the first place. And _Bucky_ doesn’t deserve to be avoided or bailed on just because Steve’s a coward and can’t seem to face his feelings. So, he decides that he needs to try and make things go back to the way they used to be – before he ever found out about those videos. He can’t bring himself to cancel his subscription just yet, but he _does_ make a point not to watch whatever video Bucky posts that night, even though those ones are meant just for him (regardless of whether  or not _Bucky_ knows that, too).

He doesn’t hear from Bucky until the later afternoon, when his phone buzzes in his pocket while he’s out at the grocery store with his ma. **_Hope you’re feeling better. We missed you last night,_** it reads. Steve knows he was missed; he’d woken up to about forty-nine messages from all of his friends bombarding him with texts – some, just to annoy him lovingly, and others, to keep asking if he was alright. It’d taken him nearly twenty minutes to reply to them all.

He texts Bucky back: **_feeling better today, thx. wanna grab a bite to eat or something after school tomorrow?_** And can’t help but get a little, sad smile to himself when Bucky replies not even ten seconds later with, **_:D Fuck yeah I do_**.

* * *

Steve puts on his brave face and gets himself through the majority of the school week without any suspicions raised. It turns out, he’s a much better actor than he’d ever given himself credit for, because Bucky doesn’t seem to suspect a thing. They grab sushi on Monday and then walk around, chatting, until Bucky says he has to go home and do some math homework. Steve knows he’s lying but forces himself not to care. He doesn’t watch the update that night. 

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at school show a change for the better in their friendship, in that Steve feels like it’s pretty much gone back to normal. He still sneaks too many glances at Bucky in the mornings before class when everyone’s talking in the cafeteria, and he still jerks himself off in the shower to thoughts of Bucky. He just tries to will them to be more like the fantasies he’d had _before_ the videos.

He’s _faking_ most of his behaviour lately, but Bucky seems to be happy, so Steve is, too. Fake it until you make it, he guesses... _H_ _oping_ that a day will come when he won’t have to be pretending anymore; that he’ll be able to get over Bucky and move on so his heart doesn’t always clench when they’re together. But then Thursday evening comes. And the thing is, Steve had every intention of shutting down his account and not watching the ‘#BUCK ME THURSDAYS’ update. But… This is _the_ show. Bucky’s first live video, and apparently doing something pretty outrageous. And… well… Steve’s only human.

So he waits until seven twenty-five that night and then climbs into bed and goes to Bucky’s site. He has his bottle of lube on the night stand but he’ll wait as long as he can to use it. He usually watches Bucky’s videos naked, or at least with his shirt off and his pants down to his ankles. Tonight, he keeps everything on, in the hopes that maybe it can deter him from actually _touching_.

At exactly seven-thirty, the live feed begins and _there’s_ Bucky, sitting in his room, shirtless as always and smiling at the camera. _“Hey there, Bucksters! Welcome to my very first ‘Buck Me Thursdays’ live video feed,”_ he starts charmingly. He leans back in his chair and spreads his arms out, gesturing to the rest of his bedroom. _“I come to you tonight from my humble little bedroom, in the State of I’m Not Going to Say, but for the…”_ (He checks something on his screen.) _“Eight-thousand, three-hundred and fifty-three people – holy fuckin’_ shit _, guys, heh,_ wow… _Okay, um… Yeah, right, to all of you logging in with me here tonight, I wanted to let you know that this upcoming Monday, my vlog will_ also _be live because I’ll be makin’ a very special announcement. So, y’know, tune in with me then and stuff.”_

He smiles and rubs his hands together. _“Okay! So, I’m sure you may be wondering what exactly I have in store for you all today, given what I said last week, so maybe it’ll make a bit more sense if I just_ show _you…”_

He proceeds to reach for something out of frame and then start killing himself laughing as he retrieves it. Steve frowns with confusion before his eyes widen – Bucky, still laughing, holds up one of the _biggest_ dildos Steve’s ever seen. It has a very tiny, circular suction base, but other than that, it’s all rubber, shaped to look like a cock (veins and all). He also notices, for the first time, that Bucky’s _blushing_.

 _“Uh… Heh… Alright, so… BuckingBronco6477 sent me a request back in February for me to try this thing out,”_ he explains, holding it out so the camera gets a better shot of it. _“This is called the ‘Realistic Bam Cock’ – it’s fourteen-and-a-half inches long and eight inches around. So basically, a gigantic fuckin’ monster that I have_ no _idea how I’m gonna get to fit in my ass._

 _“I’m gonna be honest: I actually went and ordered this thing the night I got the request, because I like having things up my ass – what can I say? And when I saw the measurements online, for_ some _reason my brain was a fuckin’ idiot and thought, ‘Oh, hey, that can’t be_ that _big…’”_ He lowers the toy out of frame and then leans his face closer to the camera, saying right in it, _“Well guess what, ladies and gentlemen: it very well fuckin’_ is _. I got this thing in the mail a couple weeks later, took one look at it, and went, ‘Nope!’ But recently I gave it more and more thought and decided that this is something I’d really like to try. So, the request in full, is for me to get this guy into me, jerk off until I come, and then lick everything up. Think I can do it?”_

(Steve is gritting his teeth so hard that his temples are throbbing. His dick’s scraping uncomfortably against his zipper and he wants to undo the fly so badly but he’s still trying to hold off.)

That turns out not to last very long at _all._ He proceeds to watch Bucky finger himself to the point where he’s forcing the tip of his _thumb_ to join the other four fingers so he can get his muscled prepared enough for the dildo, and that _alone_ has Bucky gasping for air and becoming covered in sweat; flushes from his face all the way down to his hard cock lying against his lower belly. Then Bucky spends almost _thirteen_ minutes _trying_ work the lube-covered dildo into his body, but because he’s trying to push it in himself, his instincts keep kicking in and making him stop when the intrusion becomes too much.

And yet somehow, Bucky’s erection hasn’t flagged yet, so neither has Steve’s, and eventually, Steve can’t take any more of his best friend’s loud, pained groans, so he yanks his pants down to his knees and shoves his hand down his boxers.

 _“This isn’t gonna fuckin’ work,”_ Bucky says with frustration after another minute or so. He checks his phone and mutters a curse softly under his breath. Looking back to the camera, he sits up, abandoning the efforts and just holding the long, thick toy in his hand. _“I don’t have all night to try and make this happen, but I think I might have an idea,”_ he says. _“You’ll have to let me stop the video though – but just for a few seconds. I have to switch to my laptop.”_

The video cuts out, but sure enough, he’s back less than a minute later. As he walks down the hallway, he explains to the viewers that he’s going to try letting gravity do some of the work by securing the dildo’s suction cup to the rim of his bathtub and lowering himself down onto it that way. Once in the bathroom, he puts the toy how he wants it and then slicks it up with more lubricant. He places the laptop on the closed toilet lid, facing the tub, which then Bucky steps into. This puts his back to the camera but gives the best angle for seeing his ass. 

Steve suddenly finds himself _really_ hoping he’ll get to see Bucky make this work.

It takes what feels like _forever_ , but Bucky eventually does. He has to give himself nearly another ten minutes _just_ to take the entire length into him (with the first three minutes devoted to nothing else but forcing the head to push past his stubborn rim), but he’s eventually fully seated on it.

It’s without a doubt the hottest thing Steve’s ever seen.

Bucky’s hole is stretched wider around that thing that Steve thought physically possible. Bucky’s shaking so hard that, at one point, the brunet tries to clutch for something and winds up knocking a bunch of shampoo bottles over. Steve wishes he could see his face, because the _noises_ he’s making are absolutely wrecked – whimpering and whining and sobbing and everything sounds wobbly, and Bucky can’t even form proper _words_. He’s worked himself up so much that his back is _soaked_ with sweat, and Steve wants to rush over to Bucky’s house, burst into that room, and lick it all up.

Bucky _tries_ to move – to lift himself up so he can start fucking himself on it – but he quickly stills and just lets out another truly whorish sound. He sounds like somebody’s little submissive bitch; desperate for that cock but not sure if he can take it. _Finally,_ he forces himself up and then _so slowly_ sinks back down, and _fuck_ , Bucky’s practically screaming and Steve thinks his best friend is _crying_ , but he’s also _moaning,_ too…

And it hits him again, how if he drove over to Bucky’s right now, he could just let himself in and he’d find Bucky _just like this_ , all falling apart and fucked out and strung to pieces, and Steve could just grab his face and kiss him while he fucked his ass with that gigantic dildo… Make those noises against Steve’s lips…

Steve comes suddenly, powerfully; throws his head back into his pillow and dirties up the inside of his underwear. His baby blues roll back into his head and for a few seconds, his lungs feel like they’re on fire because he just can’t breathe, and he _comes_ and _comes_ and _comes_ … Bucky’s sounds guiding him through it and resulting in one of the strongest climaxes he’s ever had.

When he finishes, he just stares at the screen, panting loudly, and continues to watch. Bucky eventually gets all the way off so he can turn around a bit and pull off a really impressive new position. He faces the camera but then braces one heel against the toilet bowl – right below and off to the side of the laptop, while he spreads the other as open as he can and puts his foot on the floor. The dildo has the mobility to lean in different directions, since the suction at the base is impressively good. So what Bucky does is: face pinched up, mouth hung open, eyes squeezed shut, and pain and pleasure written all over him, he lowers himself _back_ down onto the dildo and cries out hoarsely. Then, making broken sounds in his throat with every exhale, he looks behind him and leans himself back so he can put his hand on the back edge of the tub and hold his weight.

This way, he can still fuck himself off of the dildo and the viewers can see his face, but also having his body tilted back a bit and his ass lifted, making the toy stretching and filling his hole still plainly visible. Bucky puts his other hand around his dick, which is admittedly a little wilted by now, and starts trying to stroke it back to full hardness.

Steve doesn’t know where he’s supposed to look. He suddenly wishes he had _four_ eyes so he could be staring at that hypnotic _up_ and _down_ slide over the dildo, over and over… But Bucky’s face is like nothing Steve’s ever seen, not even in any of his other videos. It’s like the _only_ tether of Bucky’s sanity left is being used to keep himself held up and his body moving. Other than that, Steve’s _never_ seen somebody look _so_ gone. When Bucky’s bottom lip quivers and he whimpers out, as if to himself, _“Mm, ah! It… It hurts…”_ while he continues to fuck himself and fuck his fist over his cock at the same time, Steve’s amazingly half-hard again. He’d never removed his hand after coming the first time, so he just picks up where he left off and begins to stroke it again.

Bucky has to stop himself every few thrusts with his hips to still and put all of his focus into his cock. Steve isn’t so sure that his friend’s going to be able to get it fully up again, but he’s proven wrong when it finally happens a few minutes later. Then Bucky’s _really_ letting his ass have it, and his skin is _so_ sweaty, and his hair is matted to his face, and the _sounds_ he keeps making… _oh God, the sounds…_

Bucky comes before Steve can for the second time. It’s so strong that Bucky actually has to let go of his spurting cock and put the other hand behind him too so he can steady himself and just let his erection go off all on its own as it streaks his stomach and chest. That _almost_ pushes Steve over the edge, but what _really_ does it is when Bucky has to straighten himself back up and sit _all the way down_ on the dildo now that he’s extremely sensitive, and watch him whimper and wince quietly while he wipes up the come from his front and lick it clean off his fingers, streak by streak. Steve has to grab his other pillow and shove it over his face to muffle the scream _he_ unleashes when his second orgasm finally rips through him. It’s the loudest he’s ever been.

* * *

True to his word (with himself), Steve deletes his account and unsubscribes from Bucky’s site. It’s pathetic that it’s probably the hardest decision Steve’s ever had to make. He got to see the ‘big live show’ and it was worth every second, but it’s not something he can stomach anymore. Not the fact that Bucky’s doing it – just the fact that he has to share him with all of these other thousands of strangers, and Steve can’t have Bucky in _general._  

Admittedly, when he goes over to hang out at Bucky’s that Saturday, it’s only a _little_ tough to look him in the eye at first, but he pushes it down and forces himself to get over it. Bucky’s parents have taken Amy and Ben to visit their grandparents for the weekend, and Becca’s staying at her friend’s place for the night, so they have the house all to themselves. That means a night of pizza, beer, other unhealthy, processed food, movies, and video games.

Normally they don’t order their pizzas until around nine at night, but that usually means that Steve’s peckish around the six o’clock mark. He heads into the kitchen to rummage through Bucky’s fridge and make himself a sandwich. When he asks if Bucky wants one, the older boy says yes and follows him.

They chat about random shit while Steve fishes out the cold cuts and whatever condiments he feels would taste good right about now. Prom’s the following weekend and Bucky’s grinding Steve’s gears for _still_ not having picked up his suit, so Steve gives in and says they can go pick it up tomorrow. He hasn’t seen what Bucky’s going to be wearing yet, either, but he’s excited. Whatever it is, Bucky will look incredible. At his best friend’s suggestion, both he and Steve have coordinated their look to include the colours black, blue, and red – at least to some degree. Steve hadn’t argued; he could trick himself into feeling like they were actually going together that way.

Steve kicks Bucky off the counter so he can use the space to make their sandwiches. Bucky hops off and then switches places with him, going over to the fridge and leaning against it while they continue chatting. Steve has his back to Bucky, so he doesn’t notice how Bucky’s playing with the alphabet magnets scattered across the front of the door.

“Did you want any mayo on yours?” Steve asks, putting some on his own bread.

“Hmm?”

Steve repeats the question, but again, Bucky dumbly asks, “Sorry, _what?_ ”

Steve rolls his eyes and snaps back as he looks over his shoulder to him, “You fuckin’ deaf or somethin’? I said…”

His face falls and goes blank, save for his eyes, which grow wide and scared – even though Bucky’s still leaning against the fridge, arms folded, and _smirking_ at Steve. On the freezer door, spelled out in colourful fridge magnets, is _veste4._ For a second, he tells himself that he’s dreaming and that he’ll wake up at any moment. When he doesn’t, he considers breaking out into an apology and trying to get out as much as he can before Bucky freaks out on him. He also considers turning on his heel and booking it from the house. Except he does neither of those things, because he’s rooted on the spot with fear.

For whatever reason, Bucky’s _still_ smirking. He turns his head and looks to the word and then looks back to Steve. “Veste4 – not a bad name; definitely not bad at all. Except that, _one_ , that had been your handle back when we first started playing Halo--”

 _Shit, Steve had totally forgot about that –_ him _, with his impeccable memory…_

“And secondly, even if I hadn’t remembered that, it’s a fuckin’ _anagram_ for your name, Steve. And the four? Just the icing on the cake. Seriously, dude, did you put _any_ effort into that at all?” Bucky teases. Steve is so confused... can't believe this is happening.

“I… couldn’t think of anything else…” Steve answers slowly, stupefied.

Bucky uncrosses his arms but doesn’t move from where he’s standing. “Go ahead,” he then says.

“Go ahead… _what_.”

“Ask me what I _know_ is on your mind,” Bucky says. “Ask me how long I’ve known.”

Steve swallows. “How long?”

Bucky’s grin widens, and there’s definitely fondness there. “I got a suspicion when you kept sending me in all those grossly adorable requests. Seriously, Steve, I’ve had people pay just to ask me to trying _fisting_ myself, and suddenly this brand new subscriber is sending me request after request to take an unhealthy amount of _bubble baths?_ To play my guitar and sing? Sort of like, this person _knew_ I could… But I didn’t wanna go assuming nothin’.”

Now Bucky starts to walk towards him, approaching unassumingly and slow. Steve’s still staring off, his face a portrait of shock, to the point where he’s hardly even blinking. He can feel Bucky coming closer, so he turns so his back is pressed to the counter but then he doesn’t know where he’s supposed to go running. His brain doesn’t seem to want to power his limbs at the moment, so he just continues to gape and stare off.

“When I _really_ knew, though, was that night at your place – the one when you freaked out about the laptop, remember?” Bucky asks quietly. He’s inches away from Steve but still coming closer. He stops when their legs are just barely touching. “Ran straight home and filmed that vibrator video just ‘cause I hoped you’d be watching… Same with the live one…”

Steve wants to look at him, but everything’s moving so fast and none of what Bucky’s saying makes any sense. But then Bucky steps in and gets rid of all that negative space, pressing their hips together as he brings up his arms and leans forward to grip the counter – essentially caging Steve where he stands. Bucky hunches down and Steve finally looks up at him. Bucky brings his lips _so fucking close_ , and Steve isn’t sure if he’s breathing anymore, but then the older boy grazes them teasingly along his cheek bone until they’re pressing lightly to the shell of Steve’s ear.

“How many times did you make yourself come to that video, Stevie? Did it feel good… hmm? Did you ever wanna say my name while you fucked your fist?” he whispers; voice like gravel.

Steve’s shaking. Bucky keeps his cheek next to Steve’s – his lips ghosting in front of his ear - and Steve can see from the corner of his eyes, Bucky’s right hand let go of the counter. Suddenly, Bucky’s sliding his fingers along Steve’s neck horizontally before clasping the side of it in a possessive grip, stroking the pale skin with his thumb. Steve wonders if this is what being on fire feels like. He’s so fucking hard in his jeans.

“It’s okay, Steve, I’ve got you,” Bucky whispers. “Breathe for me… Breathe for me and tell me when the last time you touched yourself while thinkin’ of me was.”

“Buck…” Steve whimpers breathlessly, trying to get some sort of pity from his best friend. This is indeed absolute torture. Bucky shifts his hips a bit so Steve can feel the hard outline of Bucky’s cock pressing against his lower belly when Bucky pushes in close again. Steve gasps. His hands come up and clutch Bucky’s sides.

“Tell me…”

Steve tries to think through the heat and electricity clashing in his brain. “Right before I… came over,” he forces out.

“Oh _God_ , Stevie,” Bucky growls. He bites Steve’s lobe and the blond gasps again, stuttering out a small cry. “Say my name again, just like how you did before…”

“Buck…?” Steve tries, not sure if he’s replicating it properly. Bucky corrects him by wedging his thigh between Steve’s legs unexpectedly and grinding it against Steve’s erection. Steve cries out and jolts, and then whines, “ _Buck…_ ”

“ _Fuck_ , yeah, that sounds so perfect,” Bucky says breathlessly, trailing his lips back across Steve’s jaw. “Been wondering how that’d sound in that voice of yours since I was fuckin’ _fourteen_ \--” He cuts himself off by exhaling loudly and crushing their lips together.

Bucky tastes like everything Steve ever _hoped_ he’d taste like – but above everything else, in this moment, he tastes like _passion._ Steve practically goes boneless as he moans; lips parting when Bucky coaxes them open with his tongue, and then moaning _louder_ at the hot, wet feeling of Bucky’s tongue sliding into his mouth and meeting his own. He’s worried that he’s totally garbage at what they’re doing, but between taking Steve’s face in his hands and tilting his own to the other side, Bucky says huskily, “I thought you’d never made out with nobody before.”

“I haven’t,” Steve pants back, and then moans again, high in his throat, when Bucky’s mouth reclaims his so powerfully that it’s like he works his way right up into Steve’s brain and takes over – making everything Steve’s ever known or _could_ know nothing except Bucky Barnes.

“Wow… So you’re just perfect all over, ain’t ya?” Bucky chuckles.

Steve’s brows furrow as he squeezes his eyes shut tighter; throwing his arms around his best friend’s neck and chasing his mouth back. Bucky groans and kisses him with fervor, blindly reaching out and shoving the stuff for the sandwiches off to the side. Grabbing beneath Steve’s ass, he picks him up and sits him on the counter. Steve immediately wraps his legs around Bucky’s waist, desperate to have him as close as possible.

Steve has no current concept of time, so it could be minutes or _hours_ that they stay where they are; kissing, sucking, and biting at each other’s lips. Steve can’t touch Bucky enough, but when he eases his legs up so he can grab two handfuls of Bucky’s ass through his jeans and squeeze, Bucky grunts into his mouth and starts grinding his hips between Steve’s legs – and Steve thinks where his hands are now is just _perfect_.

This is everything Steve’s ever wanted. _Bucky_ is everything Steve’s ever wanted. And apparently Bucky’s known for at least a month or so - that means that every video he’s done in that time has probably just been all for _Steve_ , too - regardless of the rest of the world who had also watched. Bucky grabs his hair and yanks Steve’s head back so he can kiss noisily down the arch of his throat, giving it a rough bite. Whenever he does something that makes Steve cry out, Bucky moans, as though that was his only mission in life.

Steve’s too dazed to comprehend what’s going on when Bucky suddenly breaks away and looks at Steve heatedly. His hair’s messy from Steve’s fingers carding through it, and his lips are cherry red and swollen from Steve’s kisses. He can only guess that his own pupils are as blown as Bucky’s; his lips, just as plump and bright and spit-slick.

Bucky tugs on his wrist to signal for Steve to get off the counter. The moment his feet hit the floor, Bucky’s walking out of the kitchen with purpose, dragging Steve in tow. They practically run up the stairs and into Bucky’s room. Once inside, Bucky lets Steve go and then strides back out, only to return with a chair from his dad’s office. Placing it in the middle of his room, he moves Steve and then practically pushes him down onto it with a small smirk on his face. Steve just stares up at him, back to looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“Which one was your favourite?” Bucky asks, bracing his hands on the chair’s arms and leaning down to lick at Steve’s mouth again. “Tell me and I’ll do it for you right now.”

Steve’s too distracted, because the second Bucky’s making contact with his mouth, he’s trying to yank him close again so they can keep kissing. It comes as no surprise that he’s discovered that he absolutely _loves_ to kiss Bucky. But the brunet just chuckles against his mouth and shakes his head, pulling away. “No, baby, I want to know. Which one got you off the most? I wanna make this so fuckin’ good for you.”

“Um… The, uh… The strip tease one,” Steve says, having difficulty stringing his thoughts together coherently.

It looks like Bucky’s surprised by this answer, given _everything_ Steve’s seen him do. But then he gets another lopsided smirk and looks at him from under heavy lids, replying, “Mmm, good choice. Just sit back, then. This one’s just for you – no one else.” He goes over to his speakers where his iPhone is connected and quickly goes through his music. Steve hears the beginning chords of the Proper Villains remix for _Bass Down Low_. It’s one of his favourite songs. He shivers immediately.

Bucky comes in front of him and peers up at him through his lashes. He’s not smirking anymore. Rather, he eyes Steve up and down as if he wants to pound him right now into the floor. Steve’s heart beats so loudly in his ears that he can barely hear the song – only the heavy breakdowns of the bass. Bucky starts by swaying his hips from side to side slowly, until he falls into rhythm with the music. Then he just lets the beat guide him. He rolls his body and moves his hips perfectly as he keeps that lusty gaze zeroed in on Steve’s face. First, he slides his shirt from off of his body. When he pulls it over his head, it leaves his hair even _messier_. Steve wants to pull on it.

Bucky comes forward, so Steve parts his legs so his friend can step in close and hook his shirt behind Steve’s neck. He gently pulls on it, tugging him in - and Steve interprets this as an invitation to lean in and get his mouth on Bucky’s abs. _Right_ before he can, though, Bucky grabs his chin and tilts it up so they can look back at each other. Tsking, Bucky wags a finger and shakes his head with a glimmer in his eyes. Steve’s mouth goes dry and he does nothing but gulp to show his obedience.

Bucky backs away and palms Steve’s knees, making them come together again. He plants one foot next to the blond’s thigh so he can roll his hips and give Steve a nice view of his crotch while he works his button open. Pinching the zipper, he teases it up and down for a second before finally undoing it all the way. Moving to the music, the clothing practically melts to the floor as Steve’s eyes trail along his best friend’s body. It’s impossible not to get lost in the way Bucky’s muscles ripple and move like the fluid currents of the ocean… Magnificent, and daunting, and untameable, and endless. Just like Bucky.

He leaves on only his boxer briefs as he turns so his back is to Steve. Palming the chair’s arms again, Bucky lowers himself so his ass is _just_ pressing down on Steve’s crotch, and then twists his hips expertly. Steve sees white. He can’t help it; he has to lean in and latch his mouth to Bucky’s back - kissing everywhere he can and running his tongue over the notches in his spine. Bucky sighs out a soft moan and keeps rubbing down against Steve’s clothed cock, earning him muffled little groans from the blond behind him that brush across and heat his skin.

Steve follows pliantly when Bucky tugs him out of the chair and guides him onto the bed. The older boy presses his hands to Steve’s bony little chest and pushes gently until Steve is lying down. Then he straddles him. Taking Steve’s hands, he places them on the inside of his thighs - a silent encouragement to touch – and then continues to roll his body and grind down on him while the song automatically changes to something even slower and sexier, with heavy acoustics and bass. He runs his hands through his hair and bites his lip. When Steve’s hands work their way up and knead over his erection, his eyes flutter shut and he breathes out Steve’s name like a secret.

Steve just stares up at him in wonder, his eyes nearly black. If he’d thought Bucky was phenomenal on camera, it pales in comparison to him like this in the flesh. He massages Bucky’s cock with more pressure, relying on the different things he’s seen Bucky do to himself, as well as the tricks that Steve knows from first-hand experience feel good on his own dick. Eventually, Bucky loses his resolve and breathes, “Fuck it.” Climbing off Steve, he kicks off his underwear and then covers his naked body over Steve’s still dressed one; crushes the blond’s head down into the mattress with quick, hungry kisses.

Grabbing onto him and tightening his thighs on either side of Steve’s hips, Bucky rolls them over so Steve’s the one on top. This is all so hot and overwhelming that Steve can’t even think to be self-conscious when Bucky starts yanking his own t-shirt up his torso. He just curls inward and sticks his arms up so his best friend can pull it over his head. Bucky tosses it away and then stares between them at Steve’s skinny chest, groaning deep in his throat. He looks at that expanse of pale flesh, the flatness of his chest, the unnatural protrusion of his collarbones, the almost _arrogant_ way his ribs make themselves so well-known against his skin… _All of it_ , like Steve’s the sexiest thing he’s ever seen.

But before Steve can stop and realize that he should maybe be feeling embarrassed at the attention, Bucky’s sitting up, causing him to sit up _with_ him and essentially be planted in his lap. Bucky wraps his arms around Steve and dives in with a heavy exhale; lips sucking and kissing along his collar bones as though Bucky was in a frenzy. Steve closes his eyes and licks his lips, his moans getting trapped in his throat. When Bucky hunches so he can start laving at Steve’s tiny nipples with his tongue and scrape over them with his teeth, Steve grabs the back of brown hair in one hand and jolts; finding that one, hot moan that seems to spill out of him for _ever_.

Bucky works his way back up and kisses his mouth again, falling them both back to the mattress. Rolling over again, Bucky gets Steve onto his back so he can kiss down his belly and start working to rid Steve of the rest of his clothes. Steve knows that _Bucky knows_ how inexperienced he is with all of this; everything they’re doing is entirely new to him. Perhaps that’s why he’s trying extra hard to make this that much better for Steve. The second he’s completely naked, Steve doesn’t even have time for words. Before he knows it, Bucky’s sucking Steve between his lips and bobbing his head shallowly along the first few inches of his erection, breathing loudly through his nose and humming softly in his throat as he tastes the blond for the first time.

Steve’s imagined what the inside of Bucky’s mouth would feel like ( _far too many times to admit without looking like a pervert_ ), but he could’ve never prepared himself for this; the soft wetness of the inside of his cheeks… The sponginess of his tongue… The friction of the sucking… The light scrape of teeth… Steve doesn’t know how many guys Bucky’s blown before and it’s not like _Steve_ has anything to compare it to, but he’d still be willing to bet money that Bucky’s pretty fucking perfect at it.

He almost doesn’t pick up on the fact that Bucky’s pulled his lips back enough to be saying his name, trying to get his attention. Steve tilts his chin to his chest to look down and groans. “Jesus _Christ_ , Buck,” he says, because his dick is pressing _right_ against the corner of his _obscenely_ beautiful mouth, and he’s looking up at Steve as if Steve alone had hung the moon. Steve still can’t fully believe that this is really happening.

“We’ll only go as far as you wanna go,” Bucky tells him. “I’ll let you do whatever you want to me – you wanna come in my mouth? You can… You want me to put my fingers in you? Or yours in _me_? If you wanna fuck, we can fuck. Or even if you didn’t want to go any further and would rather we head back downstairs and put on _Anchorman_ or somethin’ – although I _will_ be cuddlin’ you, if you pick that last one, just a head’s up. But… this is all up to you. Just tell me what I can do to make this perfect for you and it’s yours.”

Steve’s nervous. He’s nervous and he’s excited, but mostly, listening to the selflessness and _honesty_ in Bucky’s words – Steve just feels overwhelmed with love for this guy. So he runs a slightly shaking hand through Bucky’s hair, pushing it out of his face, and replies softly, “I want you to come up here and kiss me again… And then I want _everything_.”

Bucky crawls back up him and fulfills the first request, kissing Steve gingerly and real slow. It makes Steve’s toes curl more than anything else ever has, because there’s nothing but adoration in this kiss. “Are you sure?” Bucky whispers.

Steve nods. “M’sure. Only because it’s you, y’know? I…” He clears his throat, swallowing down the urge to finish that sentence. “Anyways, there are still some things I’ve been wanting to do with you for _years_ , though, so...”

Bucky raises his eyebrows, expression turning coy. “Oh, _really_? Like what?”

Steve knows he has to just _go_ for it. There really has never been a better opportunity to grow a pair. “I want you to turn around and let me eat you out,” he tells him.

Bucky’s mouth falls open with the tiniest of _popping_ sounds. For a moment, he appears flustered – _Steve’s making him forget how to think, oh god, yes, yes, yes please_ – but then he asks, “You wanna know another secret?”

“Okay.”

“Since I found out you were bi, I started grabbin’ showers _right_ before I’d get together with you, _every_ time – _just_ in the hopes that one day you’d say that to me.”

Steve’s eyes bulge out of his head. A handful of memories flood into his mind, but now suddenly they’re preceded by the idea of Bucky getting himself clean down there every single time beforehand… He’d probably fingered himself a good number of those times… Steve wonders how many times that’s led to Bucky jerking off _right_ before seeing Steve, fantasizing about _him_. But that also means just as many instances where Bucky experienced disappointment, too – because of course, none of those times had ever resulted in that sort of thing. Steve’s having difficulty understanding something…

“I’ve been wanting to ask you this since I found your site, but…” Steve bites his lip, frowning. “Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this before – about your sexuality, or liking _me_ , or whatever?”

Bucky must see how hard he’s fighting to hide the hurt in his voice, because his smile grows rueful and grey eyes soften. Roaming his gaze over Steve’s face, he tenderly brushes Steve’s bangs off of his forehead before cradling the side of his face and running his thumb back and forth over his cheekbone.

“I never knew for sure if you could’ve ever felt the same way about _me_ ,” Bucky admits quietly. “You’re the greatest person I’ve ever known, and all I could think was how you could do so much better. I wanted to give you the chance to figure out who you were and what you wanted, and… like… be happy with someone who would love you exactly the way you deserved.”

Steve’s mouth twists up as he fights down the swelling emotion bubbling up his chest. He brings up his own hand and touches Bucky’s jaw; brushing his fingertips over his best friend’s lips. “You’re an idiot,” he says. “I could never do any better than you – have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re perfect. It’s sort of disgusting; you shouldn’t be allowed.”

Chuckling, Bucky leans in and kisses him. Steve inhales deeply through his nose and waits until it’s over to ask, “Well… What about now?”

“What d’ya mean?”

“Why did you decide _now_ that it was worth makin’ a move?”

“Because…” Bucky says slowly, _uncertainly_ – as if he might scare Steve off, “I don’t want anyone else to be that person. I mean… I don’t know what’s gonna happen down the road – in a year from now, or ten, but… For as long as you’ll have me, I think I can love you better than anyone else. Sure as hell the best person around to deal with your crap, too; that’s a big plus.” Steve’s face falls flat, now glaring. Bucky barks out a laugh and says, “I’m _kidding_.”

But then he suddenly shakes his head with a small smile of realization and continues, “Actually, you know what? No I’m not. You _are_ a pain in the ass sometimes, and you _do_ drive me fuckin’ crazy sometimes, too - and not in the good way. But those are just parts of ya that make you, _you_. I love your _crazy_ as much as I love the rest of ya. I’m pretty crazy too, though, so… I think we balance each other out.”

“You love me?” Steve asks. He’s already forgotten everything else Bucky’s just said.

“I… Well, _yeah_ ,” Bucky answers, narrowing his eyes and giving the blond a funny look. “I thought you already knew that. I mean, don’t feel pressured to say it back, though, or nothin’ – I don’t need you to love me just yet. We can work up to that.”

“I love you, too,” Steve says quickly. Relief and delight brighten up Bucky’s face, more radiant that a beautiful summer’s day in Brooklyn. Steve’s the one who smirks now as he teases back, “Thought _you_ knew that already, ya jerk.” Then he slides his hand to Bucky’s nape and tugs him back down so he can kiss him. He loves how easily Bucky lets himself be pulled and how seamlessly their mouths slot together.

He realizes the conversation had given his body time to settle down a bit from his arousal, and from the feel of it, Bucky’s erection has softened a bit, too. So he squirms a little beneath the bigger body so he can feel the brunet’s cock pressing down against his and then grabs Bucky’s ass and squeezes, coaxing Bucky to start rocking his hips. Bucky lets out a little, surprised moan in his mouth and then picks up his cue. Rolling his body to Steve’s, he bites at Steve’s bottom lip and then says, “I sort of thought that you weren’t in the mood for that no more. Thought you’d just wanna cuddle or somethin’.”

“I _do_ wanna cuddle,” Steve says, smiling as he kisses Bucky again. “But first I still have to get my tongue on you. I’ve been dying for it forever; no way in hell I’m letting you take that away from me now.”

“Hey, no one said anything about me retractin’ the offer.”

“Good. So, uh… How should we do this?” Steve asks. He’s seen a number of different positions and has no way of knowing if different ones make it feel _better_ or _worse_ or what-have-you. “You can, like, hover over my face and I can try it that way?”

“With your asthma, not happening,” Bucky replies. “Here, let me try doing this…”

He repositions so he’s turned around, with his head between Steve’s legs and his ass in front of Steve’s face. Steve tries not to let his jitters show through – but he is most definitely scared as fuck inside, because he wants this so bad it _hurts_ , but he also doesn’t want to be awful at it. He feels along Bucky’s ass and lower back, fueled by the soft sighs he can hear below. When he finally has the guts to spread Bucky open and come face-to-face with his opening, his erection returns with a vengeance.

He hears Bucky chuckle breathlessly. “You haven’t even done anything yet,” he teases.

“This is… You look… just, _so_ good, Buck,” Steve says breathlessly. Licking his lips, he starts to inch his face forward. “Now, I don’t got no experience with this sorta thing, so m’gonna do my best – but if you _laugh_ at me, I swear to god, Buck--”

“Steve, it’s fine. It’s not like I have anything to compare it to anyways.”

“What?” Steve pauses, not having expected that answer.

He can’t see Bucky’s face but he can feel the brunet’s mouth as it presses kisses along the tops of his thighs and around the base of his dick. He’s even _more_ thrown off guard when Bucky clarifies by saying, “I’ve never done this with anyone before, either. It’s fine.”

“Wait, hold on. You’re not a virgin.”

“Yeah, not with _girls_ ,” Bucky answers. “But I’ve never been with another dude before.” Chuckling as he licks softly over Steve’s slit to clean up the precome beginning to shine there (making Steve gasp and cant his hips up), he asks, “When did I ever give you reason to think I _had_?”

“But, I mean… All that stuff you did to yourself…”

“Have _you_ ever fingered yourself?”

“Well, _yeah_ …”

“Exactly. I mean, just ‘cause I know how to work my own body doesn’t mean I’ve ever done any of that shit with another person. I just masturbate a _lot_.” Steve’s too stunned to come up with a response right away. This makes everything even more intense because they’re actually going to be experiencing and trying things _together_ for the first time. All he wants to do is start babbling out an entire encyclopedia of all the reasons he’s so fucking in love with Bucky Barnes.

 _Then_ he hears Bucky say, “If you were worried I’d be able to, like… guide us through it or somethin’… I mean, I know my way around what we’re _supposed_ to do, but… Yeah, I guess I always held off ‘cause I wasn’t done hopin’ yet that my first time might be with you.”

And that simple little sentiment – holding _so_ much more beneath the surface – goes _straight_ to Steve’s head and turns his brain to mush. Suddenly he’s burying his face between Bucky’s cheeks and licking at his asshole like he’s a dying man. Bucky spasms and moans loudly, and then it’s like the time for talking is over – like it was _insane_ and _preposterous_ that they’d even allowed themselves to _not_ be ravishing each other for a single second.

Steve whines loudly – the noise muffled – when he feels the hot, slick inside of Bucky’s mouth as he swallows Steve down as far as he can go and sucks his cock again. It just makes him twice as desperate to push his tongue against Bucky more ferociously. They both whimper between breaths and work each other over, and Steve has no idea what he’s doing but Bucky seems to like it – much like Bucky, even for all of his supposed inexperience, is bringing Steve nothing but ecstasy at the care he’s lavishing on him.

Steve’s neck starts getting a little sore from keeping his head elevated like that, but there’s no way in hell he plans on pulling back. He has drool running down his chin and everything sounds _way_ too sloppy and uncoordinated, but Bucky’s hole against his tongue is a hundred – a _thousand_ , a _million_ – times sexier than any fantasy Steve’s created in his mind before. It keeps twitching around his tongue but he feels it, the way it gradually starts to go lax and soft, making it easier as the minutes pass for him to flex his tongue and push it deeper into Bucky’s body with every attempt.

Maybe he’s getting a tad overzealous, but he can’t stop himself from scrambling one hand around Bucky’s body and wrapping his fingers around his best friend’s cock. It's his first time touching it, and… Bucky’s cock is perfect; thick and just a little longer than average and heavy in his grasp. When he starts stroking it at the same time that he seals his lips over Bucky’s entrance and starts to suck, Bucky yanks his head free to shout, “F-Fuck!” before arching his back and trying to both thrust down into Steve’s hand while also not moving too far away from Steve’s mouth, and _oh god, ah, ah… Mm! Oh my g… god… S-Steve…_

A slightly startled sound gets caught in Steve’s throat when, instead of lunging back for his cock, Bucky instead wedges his hands between Steve’s ass and the mattress. Grabbing it almost _painfully_ , he uses his strength and Steve’s barely-there weight to lift the blond’s hips into the air. It’s high enough for Bucky to then rest his arms on the bed and have Steve’s ass sitting on them; high enough for him to curl over, past Steve’s balls, and get his mouth on his best friend’s asshole, too.

It’s a strange feeling – sort of makes Steve feel _dirty_ and _exposed_ , but wonderfully so. Yet the change in sensations is too sudden. He can feel his balls tightening, so he frees his mouth to anxiously shout, “Stop, stop - _Buck!_ ”

Bucky does as he’s told without any hesitation. “Are you alright?” Steve hears him asking quickly, sounding worried. “Did I hurt you? What did I do?”

“No, I…” _Now_ Steve lets his head thump back to the bed. He closes his eyes and chuckles, embarrassed and face flaring up. His chin is still shiny with spit, though not nearly as wet as Bucky’s ass – that perfect little hole gaping just a bit bigger and still fluttering, as if trying to coerce Steve back to it. “M’too close,” he admits reluctantly, cleaning the mess of saliva off his face with the back of his hand. “Lately I’ve been able to get it up more than once a night when I watch your videos but… I can never be sure that my body will have it in it. I’m way too fuckin’ horny right now - I could come and then not be able to do anythin’ else for the night.”

“So?” Bucky asks lightly. But he climbs off of Steve anyways. Turning upright, he crawls back over him and kisses along the blond’s neck. “I don’t care, Steve. That’s not what this is about for me. I’m just… I’m just glad you’re here, y’know? With me, like this.”

“You don’t need to convince me, Buck. I want it because _I_ want it, for me – not ‘cause I feel I _have_ to for _you_ or anythin’.”

“Okay, buddy… As long as you’re sure…” He plants small, sucky kisses from one collar bone to the next, before resting his chin on Steve’s chest, mindful not to let it press down too hard. Peering up at him, Bucky asks, “Do you know which way you’d like to try it? Like, whether you want to be the one to…?”

Steve gives a small shake of the head. “I don’t really care,” he admits. “M’gonna be a bit nervous either way but eventually, I wanna do _all_ of that with you – every way we can.”

“That sounds like a lot of work,” Bucky jokes, faking exhaustion. “I’m regretting this already.”

“Fuck off,” Steve says with a chuckle. “I just mean, I don’t care. I just wanna stop talkin’ and fucking _do_ it because I’m legit _dyin’_ here. You choose.”

“Me, huh? Well… I’ve gotten myself off to picturing how tight you’d feel wrapped around me – _fuck_ , heh… A part of me wants to fuck you so hard that you can’t walk for a week,” Bucky says. He groans at his own confession; dropping his face into Steve’s chest before he starts kissing his way back down again. Steve slides his fingers into Bucky’s hair – thrilled and a tiny bit fearful as he waits to hear which choice Bucky will settle on.

“I think… that I want this to be as perfect for you as possible,” Bucky says when his head is between Steve’s legs again, stamping invisible kisses along the sensitive joints where his legs meet his pelvic bone. “If I fuck you, m’gonna be worried the entire time that I’m hurting you. We’ll work up to that, _obviously_ , but… I’ve at least slept with people before in general. You haven’t. This is your _first_ -first time, so it should be all about you. Get what I’m saying?”

Steve bites his lip and nods, petting Bucky’s hair. The brunet closes his eyes and smiles, humming at the light scraping of his friend’s nails against his scalp. When they slowly open, he murmurs, “Okay. One second.” Hopping off the bed, Bucky goes to his closet and grabs a condom and a half-empty bottle of lube. When he returns, he sits on his knees off to Steve’s side and starts by giving him a slow handjob before rolling the condom down the length. They kiss while Bucky rubs him some more, this time to spread the slick all over the latex.

Only after asking _one more time_ if Steve’s ready, Bucky straddles him. Keeping himself up, he brings his lubed fingers behind him and works himself open with first one, then two, then three fingers. He keeps telling Steve to _look at him_ , and when their eyes lock, it’s nothing but heavy breathing and the odd little grunt from Bucky. He purposely avoids touching his prostate because he wants to leave that all to Steve; wants Steve to feel personally responsible for Bucky experiencing that much pleasure tonight.

Steve’s nowhere _near_ the size of some of the things he’s watched Bucky put into himself, so it’s no surprise that when his best friend finally lines their bodies up and starts sinking down onto him and impaling himself, he’s able to take Steve balls-deep on the first try. Still, Bucky’s eyes squeeze shut – hands splayed flush on Steve’s chest – and he moans quietly as his hole strains and stretches. For Steve, Bucky’s body feels indescribable around him. He’s all heat and _fuck, he’s so tight_ , and Steve isn’t a virgin anymore – _in one night, he’s already experienced so much and all of it, with the only person to have ever mattered in this way_ – and it all feels so good… And yet the _first_ thing he can think to speak is a goddamn _apology_ to Bucky about his size.

“What?” Bucky asks distractedly; eyes still closed as he starts rocking his hips back and forth _just_ enough to get him used to the intrusion. The movements make sharp, amazing explosions go off in Steve’s balls. He tightens his grip on Bucky’s hips and whimpers, biting his lip.

“I just… I know m’nothing like some of those toys, or…”

Bucky shakes his head. “No, _stop_. You’re perfect…” he breathes. Licking his lips and furrowing his brows, he undulates down onto the blond’s cock more faithfully. Steve gasps. “Steve, you feel perfect,” Bucky continues, “like you were made for me. No… No pain… Just… It… _God_ , Stevie… How’s it feel for you? Good?”

“ _Too_ good,” Steve confesses. He’s already gripping Bucky so hard that it’ll be a miracle if the brunet’s skin doesn’t bruise purple. Bucky doesn’t seem to notice. “I don’t think I can… last very long, I’m sorry…” Steve warns him through gritted teeth.

“Don’t be, baby; this is all for you.” Bucky bends down and brings his face in close so they can seek shelter in each other’s mouths and swallow the taste of their moans. Bucky slows his ministrations down to prolong it as long as he can for Steve. For a while, they stop speaking. Bucky fucks himself nice and slow and _deep_ on Steve's dick, while Steve’s only responsibility is to lie there and drown in the pleasure. Bucky quickly learns how his breathing patterns signal whether he’s too close or not, and whenever he picks up on it, he’ll go completely still and just kiss Steve – his mouth, his jaw, his forehead, even the tip of his nose – until the blond reigns his arousal in enough to nod for Bucky to keep going.

Bucky starts to get louder when he plays with the angle of his hips so he can force Steve’s cock to start scraping his prostate. It’s like the _moment_ Bucky starts letting go, Steve gives himself permission, too. Suddenly, he’s not focusing so much on trying to _prevent_ his release, but staring up at Bucky from under half-drooped lids and panting, “ _I wanna come…_ ”

His best friend nods, looking spacey and just as debauched as Steve is. Straightening up, he grabs the headboard with his left hand and starts rising and falling around the blond’s cock, quick and rough; rolling his hips every time he sinks back down so it becomes one gigantic body roll – _up and down_ and _forward and back, over_ and _over_ , and _faster_ and _faster._ Steve’s releasing a stream of _auh_ ’s every time he’s fully sheathed in Bucky’s ass. He isn’t sure how much longer he’s going to last, but then Bucky makes that decision _for_ him. Beautiful as ever - moving and moaning all for Steve; _eyeing_ Steve with a fiery lust but also a sort of _worship_ that Steve never knew he could be deserving of – Bucky whispers, “Come for me, baby, please… Come for me…” at the same moment that he does a small little twist with his hips.

Steve has no choice but to obey. Buried in Bucky’s body, he comes harder than he ever has before, filling that condom right up.

He sounds wrecked even to his own ears as he cries out. His eyes are closed, but suddenly he's shut up by Bucky slamming their mouths together as the brunet rides him through it. Steve realizes Bucky’s jerking off now; can hear the sound and feel the frantic _back and forth_ as the brunet’s knuckles keep brushing against his belly. Right as Steve’s orgasm ends, Bucky’s hits him. Bucky whines, the sound escalating into a sob into Steve’s mouth as Steve’s stomach gets warmed up with the streaks of Bucky’s come. They just continue to beat their tongues together, and Steve wraps his arms around Bucky and holds him close while Bucky temporarily falls apart – much like the way Bucky had grounded _Steve_ so thoroughly while taking care of him.

They can clean themselves up after. They can watch movies _after_ and order pizza _after_ and return to the rest of the world _after_. For now, Steve’s happy with living in this moment for as long as it’ll have them.

* * *

Two days later seems like a bit of a _short_ amount of time to be having their first ‘couple’s argument’, but that sort of feels like that’s what it is, Steve thinks. Things had been so blissful up until Monday evening. Saturday night, they'd alternated between passing the night the same way they always used when they hung out - except there was also kissing and touching involved. When Steve woke up in the middle of the night with Bucky pressed to his back and wrapped up in his arms, this time it had been _intentional._ And this time, he finally _could_ press back against him and revel in the sleepy little moan it earned him... before Bucky woke up entirely, started biting at the back Steve’s neck and shoulder, and then fingered his little ass while Steve gave him a handjob until they were both dirtying up Bucky’s _sheets_ , too.

Sunday was spent entirely together as well (once again, mostly kissing and touching). And then Monday _morning_ – because they deliberately had wanted to shock their friends – Bucky waited for Steve at the picnic tables like usual, this time with most of the gang already there, too. Steve had pulled up and went over to them, greeting them cheerily… and then kissing Bucky smack-dab on the lips, casual as anything. After a unified, stunned silence, Clint had shouted, “ _Finally!”_ and then Peggy and Lizzie screamed while everyone hugged them both and congratulated them.

(As well as revealing that they’d been waiting for this day since the fourth grade.)

Aside from in front of their friends, they’d kept the PDA to a minimum; holding hands under the table in the cafeteria, or if no one was around, making sure the coast was clear so they could sneak a kiss. Steve had his eyes on Bucky even more than he’d used to, but the difference was, now he always caught Bucky staring back with a little smile.

But then that _night_ rolls around, and Steve had been so caught up in LaLa Land that he’d just sort of _assumed_ that Bucky’s website wouldn’t be a thing anymore. Maybe that’d been presumptuous of him, but he’d just lost his fucking _virginity_ to the guy two days prior and now Bucky was going to go continue giving that side of himself away to strangers?

What’s the most annoying about this ‘argument’ of theirs is that it’s not _really_ an argument because that would mean that Bucky was fighting _back_. Except he isn’t. In fact, he’s being _way_ too fucking casual about the whole thing; keeps palming Steve’s shoulders and saying, “Buddy, it’s just somethin’ I gotta do. It’s _my_ choice and I need you to accept that.” Steve’s huffing and feeling pretty indignant because, _yeah_ , the timing’s a little rotten and he feels hurt. And then to add insult to injury, Bucky tells him that he should _watch_ it, right there at Bucky’s place. Since it’s being recorded live again, he can just watch it from Bucky’s laptop in another room.

“I’ll only be a couple minutes, Steve; no point in you goin’ home,” he tries to reason with him.

“ _Why_ would I want to watch that?” Steve asks, sighing. “I’m your _boyfriend_ ; _not_ one of your ‘Bucksters’ no more.”

“C’mon, please? I think you’ll really like this one – I’m gonna be talking about doin’ something I haven’t done yet. It’s a big step for me and I’ve been _real_ excited about giving everyone the news. C’mon… For me?”

In the end, Steve gives in and agrees. He wants to punch Bucky in the face, mind you, but he agrees. Since Steve had deactivated his account, Bucky just logs into his own and hands the laptop over to him. “Just click on the link right there,” he says, pointing to it. "Just don’t do anything to fuck up my account or somethin’, or it’ll glitch out on my end.”

“Yeah, _okay_ , Buck; I won’t _ruin_ your show,” Steve mutters. Glaring at him, he adds, “You’re gonna owe be _so_ big after this.”

Bucky grins triumphantly. “Promise I will.” He notices the time – the vlog is scheduled to start in two minutes – so he kisses Steve’s cheek quickly and says, “Okay, be right back – _don’t_ go home!” With loud, clunking footfalls, he runs up the stairs and heads for his bedroom. Those are easily two of the most miserable minutes of Steve’s life. He’s actually grumbling under his breath by the time the feed starts up and he sees Bucky’s face on the screen.

 _“Hey there, Bucksters,”_ he says happily, waving. _“As I mentioned last week, I had some very important news I wanted to share with you all, so, here I am. You know... I’ve been on this site for almost six months – it feels like forever, really. I can’t even begin to thank all of you who have written me over the months, sent me requests, subscribed to me… After the whole ‘veste4’ thing, many of you started messaging me_ just _to talk to me like a regular human being, or to tell me how my videos could help cheer you up if you were having a bad day. Many of you felt embarrassed about tellin’ me this, since… I mean,_ who _gets cheered up that much by, well… basically_ porn _, right?”_

Bucky’s smile is softer now as he looks down in thought. _“But the thing is, there’s nothin’ wrong with that at all… Because sometimes, the things that bring us happiness in life aren’t the things you might expect, or the way you always expected it to happen. This is… somethin’ I’ve definitely come to realize in just the past few days alone. You know, you’ve all let me share so many parts of me with you guys; have someone to talk to when there were days I didn’t know where else to turn. Here, I was never alone – even if it was ‘just porn’. And thanks to you guys, I’ve long since fulfilled my financial goals for school. I could never find the words to repay you or thank you enough; seriously, I’m still astounded by it and you’re all the absolute fuckin’ best – I_ can’t _say that enough, I swear.”_

He chuckles a bit and then gets a warm, tender expression. Looking back at the camera, he says, _“There’s one more thing I want to share with you guys about me; it’s the real reason I’m making this vlog tonight. Many of you have messaged me to ask over the months if I was seeing anyone, and I’m sure a lot of you have noticed that I always avoided that question. The truth is… there’s always been someone in my life that I’ve been head over heels for, but I was too scared to tell them. He’s pretty great – and yes, it’s a ‘he’… I wish I could tell you who he is, just ‘cause I love to talk about him, but… heh… You guys knows the drill._

 _“Anyways, things finally came out into the open and I’m pretty excited about it. I don’t know what’ll happen in the future – y’know, if we’ll break up before the summer’s over, or move in with each other next year, or date for ten years, or if we’ll get married one day and adopt some kids and get them hooked on video games, heh... But that’s sort of a beautiful thing about life, ain’t it? The possibilities are endless; it can be anything you want it to be. The_ point _is, all I_ do _know is that as soon as this video’s over, I plan on askin’ him to be my date to prom this weekend. Fingers crossed that he says yes.”_ He leans in and whispers, like it’s a secret, _“I already asked our friends if they were cool with it and they were. So.”_

Sitting back in his chair, his smile becomes just a _tiny_ bit sad. _“I hope that after everything I’ve just told you, it won’t come as much of a surprise that… this’ll be my last video. This chapter of my life has been real fun, and I’m sorry for it being such short notice. It’s time for a brand new chapter, you know? And finally - fuckin’_ finally - _it’s with the guy I’ve been in love with my entire life._

 _“So, my crazy, wonderful Bucksters, I love you all, I will miss you, and thanks for being perverts with me. I’ve learned so much more about_ myself _thanks to you guys. It’s been fun.”_ He waves at the camera, pausing and then saying, _“Byeeee._ ” He looks to his computer screen but then seems to remember something, quickly looking back at his webcam and adding, _“Oh yeah! And for those of you who’d wished me luck for my Advanced Chem class - thanks a bunch, and you’ll be happy to know that I got an A-. Okay,_ now _bye!_ ”

He waves one more time and then the video ends.

Steve continues to stare at the screen. He’s smiling, but his eyes are bright and wet. A minute later and he hears footsteps coming down the stairs, Bucky’s voice coming from behind him. “Refresh the page,” he says, and Steve can _hear_ the lopsided little smirk in his tone. When he does, it comes up with an error message before redirecting him back to the original site’s login page. Bucky’s profile is deactivated.

Steve closes the laptop and looks over his shoulder to his best friend. He sniffles and wipes the back of his nose quickly so he doesn’t start blubbering like a baby; putting the laptop to the side and rising to his feet. Bucky just leans against the wall with his arms crossed, staring at Steve amusedly.

“Yes,” Steve says, already crossing the room towards him.

Bucky unfolds his arms and straightens. “Yes _what_?” he teases. But he already knows the answer.

“Prom,” is all Steve says before throwing his arms around Bucky’s neck, rising to his tip-toes, and kissing him. Bucky smiles into it and wraps his arms around Steve’s waist.

“Prom,” Bucky confirms. They look at each other, grinning like idiots. Bucky presses his lips to Steve’s forehead and then muses, “Y’know, we _still_ didn’t go pick up your suit yesterday.”

“Mm, I know. Sorta got distracted,” Steve replies playfully.

“Let’s go pick it up some time this week after school.”

“Sure, which day were ya thinkin’?”

Bucky looks away and hums in thought. “I think I might have some free time on Thursday,” he says, glancing back down to meet baby blues. “In fact, it seems like all my Thursdays in the foreseeable future have suddenly become a lot more vacant.”

“Good thing you’ve got me then, huh?” Steve says with a shit-eating grin.

Bucky returns it, leaning back in to steal another kiss. "I'd say I'm pretty damn lucky, yeah."

Steve understands... because he is, too. He _really_ is.

**Author's Note:**

> The fucking _amazing_ [stuckylicious](http://stuckylicious.tumblr.com/) did this fanart for the story and everyone needs to see it and go follow her right _meow_ :  
> 
> 
>   
> 
> 
> And only TWO gifs for this one because it deserves ALL of your attention...  
> 
> 
> TELL ME THIS DOES NOT LOOK _IDENTICAL_ TO TEENAGE STEVE AND BUCKY! THIS IS TEENAGE STUCKY; THIS IS MY NEW FAVOURITE THING IN THE WORLD  
> 
> 
>   
> 


End file.
